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    Morning Bitch-Back! Don't Cry for Elisabetta Canalis

    Elisabetta Canalis, George Clooney Venturelli/WireImage

    Dear Ted:
    I never thought I would say this but I kind of felt sorry for Elisabetta Canalis when she was booted off DWTS. She certainly wasn't the worst out there and I think she improved a great deal from the first to second week. She didn't stand much of a chance in George Clooney land. Also, it can't have been easy for her to give interviews in English. That takes a lot of guts. Have you heard what's next for her?
    —Kris

    Dear You Kill Me:
    "George Clooney land"? Honey, it's being George Clooney's bf that got her on the damn show in the first place, so you can't have it both ways. And she speaks English perfectly fine, after all, I hear from friends close to her ex. She just used it to play dumb when she wanted to, or so I'm told. And her future involves being on a movie or TV screen in the near future, no matter what (or who). That girl is hugely determined.

    Dear Ted:
    It seems like the rumor mill is grinding out some interesting alleged couples breakups. First, Jada and Will and now Ashton and Demi. It's always interesting to sit back and watch the parties deny the allegations then a month later, they actually do split. My question is, if the rumors are true, why do these people deny them but then break up anyway? Do they want to do it on their own time, or what?
    —PC

    RELATED: DWTS Behind the Scenes: Elisabetta Canalis Says Goodbye and Nancy Grace Insists: "No Nipple!"

    Dear It's About Perception:
    Just like non-famous people, usually at least one member of the celeb couple is hoping against hope that the dissolving relationship will hold up after all, and there won't be any need for a final split announcement. Usually doesn't work out that way. And despite whatever publicists end up spinning, eventually, just like Clooney and Canalis, it turns out to be true.

    Dear Ted:
    Thanks a lot, Ted. I laughed so hard at the concept of Justin Timberlake getting an Oscar that all the Tasti-Treet brand breakfast flan I'd just eaten came back up through my nose. Seriously though, when did getting an Oscar become the primary goal of an actor rather than the icing on the cake 'o' life for excelling at your profession? It would be like me only coming to work so I could bring home the coveted employee of the month plaque and the six pack of Old Milwaukee Lite that comes with it.
    —Dianes

    Dear What Else Are You Snorting?:
    "Excelling at your profession?"
    You people are killing me today! You make it sound like the movie biz is full of Meryl Streeps. Honey, most gals (and guys) in this town want to be famous much more than they want to be accomplished.

    Dear Ted:
    Are there, by any chance, any updates to be had on the most famous of your Vicers, Toothy Tile? Is it still parking lots and dirty alleyways or did he find somewhere even more exciting to share his talent? Also, do you know how baby Tile is doing? Progressing well?
    —F

    Dear Good Heart:
    Tile's great, very well taken care of. As far as Toothy's love-life and career go, he's gotten more domestic lately, which has greatly helped the latter.

    Dear Ted:
    Does Rob Pattinson only treat his fans nicely and sign their autographs because he's told to do so by his management and Summit, because it makes him look good? Or does he do it because he genuinely wants to?
    —WaterGurl

    Dear Rob's Real:
    Choice Number 2. By a long shot.

    Dear Ted:
    You are the lowest of low. When they made you, they put you together with pieces of crap. How do you live with yourself, all of the lies you spew out of your mouth. What's wrong? Couldn't get a real job? Bet your Mum would be very proud of you. With all the trash that comes out of your mouth, you would not know the truth about anything if it hit you in the face.
    —Summit

    Dear Mother:
    Blame yourself, you raised me. And could you come with a new line once in awhile? Wouldn't hurt.

    PHOTOS: Dancing with the Stars: Season 13!

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