So, the good news is, Michaele Salahi was not kidnapped. But every silver lining has a complementary dark cloud, and Tareq Salahi's made itself known last night: his wife hadn't been abducted, she simply left him for another man.
Journey guitarist Neal Schon, as it turns out.
And just when you thought this story couldn't get any weirder, here it comes: despite the public, massive betrayal (and lack of indication that Michaele has any intention of returning to him) Tareq isn't interested in getting divorced.
Don't stop believing, indeed.
While we still have yet to hear from the former Real Housewives of D.C. househusband himself—his rep told E! News he's understandably "just not up for any interviews, as he's trying to absorb everything right now"—his lawyer did pop up on Good Morning America today.
"Tareq is devastated, but he is relieved to know that Michaele is safe and is OK," attorney David Silek said. "That was his first concern yesterday."
There's no word on what his first concern is today, but we're guessing getting to the bottom of why his wife is shacked up in a Memphis hotel with a rock star is probably near the top of his list.
Though it seemed to come from nowhere, Schon and Salahi used to date and according to Cirque du Salahi author Diane Diamond, who conducted extensive interviews with the reality couple at their home last year, Michaele called Neal "one of the loves of her life."
Perhaps an indication of things to come, just last week, Michaele even posted a twitpic of herself backstage with Schon, along with the caption, "With Journey live backstage having a rockin bumpin night!! Oxo."
Still, despite all this, Tareq's lawyer told GMA that he was simply happy to have located his wife and to know that she is safe and, for the time being, had not even entertained the idea of getting a divorce.
"He's so devastated, there's not a goal other than trying to figure out what is going on at this time," Selik told GMA, going on to call any talks of divorce "premature."
"If there's an opportunity for reconciliation, that's something they can and ought to explore."
One thing that won't be explored: any hoax charges against Tareq for sounding the kidnapping alarm when no such thing (thankfully) took place.
"I met with the FBI yesterday, they concluded the case," Silek told GMA, adding that Salahi would "absolutely" not face any criminal charges for unknowingly filing false statements to authorities.
"It was amazing to watch how fast the federal government could find someone in this country and put hands on them, eyes on them and confirm their whereabouts and safety."
Amazing, but probably not that comforting for Tareq.
In any case, the Warren County Sheriff's Office echoed the statement, telling E! News, "Our office is not investigating anything further at this time."
And while Tareq continues to steel himself at home, Michaele remains on the road with Journey, currently staying in the same hotel as the band, The Peabody, in downtown Memphis.
But the couple still has plenty of pressing, unfinished business together: this Sunday, all assets from their Oasis Vineyards in Virginia (aside from the winery itself) will be going up on the auction block, as a result of their 2008 bankruptcy filing.
Also looming in their planners: a Sept. 24 charity fundraiser event being held at the winery in support of the National Multiple Sclerosis Society. Michaele recently revealed that she suffers from the disease, though it's unclear if the night will go on as planned.
Though obviously, with these two, anything is possible.