Put the kiddies to bed.
And possibly, hire your own private security detail.
If you plan on watching FX's American Horror Story, created by Glee bosses Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk, this is what you need to know:
It just might be the scariest show. Ever. In the history of television.
An American Horror Story screening was held last night for journalists and members of the Television Critics Association, and a Fox source tells me that some of the attendees were so frightened, they had to be escorted to their cars after the viewing. (Rumor also has it another reporter was too freaked out to enter her own teeny-tiny baby's room when he woke up for his 2 a.m. feeding because "the shadows are making him look...different." Ahem.)
AHS, starring Friday Night Lights' maternal goddess Connie Britton and Practice star Dylan McDermott is, on the surface, about a couple grappling with what Murphy refers to as "the monster in the closet...infidelity."
What Murphy fails to mention is that there are REAL FREAKING MONSTERS that will scare the living bejeezus out of you in the Los Angeles home where they relocate. Whether these freakish beings are spirits, demons, hallucinations or otherwise remains to be seen, but if you are easily frightened, you likely won't make it past the first five minutes—and you won't see the insanity that ensues, nor the outta-the-park performances by Dylan, Connie, Dylan's Bare Backside (it should get its own billing) and Jessica Lange, who steals the scene as the couple's "Proud Virginian" kleptomaniac neighbor and really should just pick up her Emmy now.
Calling it a "psychosexual thriller," Murphy claims he is "most proud" of AHS out of all his prior body of work on television. And Falchuk credits his love of '60s and '70s horror movies as the inspiration for the project. It is the kind of hold-your-breath-and-call-your-mama storytelling, with a distinct point of view that is not for everyone. But it is for the former Mrs. Tami Taylor, thank you kindly.
Britton, who just came off a successful and now Emmy-nominated run on Friday Night Lights, explains why she signed on: "I was in a pretty good marriage for the last five years, so why not mix it up a bit? I was so amazed by [Ryan and Brad's] vision—and scared to death of their vision."
Scared to death sounds about right. The question is: Can you handle it? Guess you'll find that out Oct. 5 when American Horror Story premieres. Just remember my warning: It might make you afraid of everything, even your own baby. (Not proud here. Just being honest.)