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Taylor Lautner, Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Jimmy Kimmel Live's Twilight Saga: Total Eclipse of the Heart

Michael Desmond/ABC

Dear Ted:
When can I expect the Twilight saga to go away so I can read the comments without cringing with horror? Honestly Ted, I believe those of us who have read your column since the beginning are losing hope and (ultimately) respect.—MJ

Dear Good Luck:
Sorry love, not gonna happen for a while. I respect everybody's rights—sorry if that makes me lose yours, hon, you sound sweet! FYI: Hunger Games might be next, these things are always cyclical, so relax.

Dear Ted:
wants to be with Liam for the fame? Lmao. No, I think she's fine in the fame department. Idiot. Go grow a pair.

Dear Already Got One:
I agree she's pretty set for fame (or infamy). But by sticking with Liam, she's got some hot arm candy, too. Win-win.

Dear Ted:
Is Paulie Pecker from The Big Bang Theory? My bunny Cleopatra is really curious to know! Kisses

Dear Cleo's Off-O:
Nope, Paul's been on a ton of TV, but never the likes of Big, sorry! Meows and purrs back, though.

Dear Ted:
Is it just me or do others think Chord Overstreet looks like the child of a Matt Damon/McCauley Culkin mating?

Dear Don't Get it:
Just you, maybe? Chord's a hottie, something McCauley's never been, at any age. And Matt Damon, where the hell did that come from?

Dear Ted:
Why don't we see more of Hayden C? What's going on with him?

Dear Pathetic:
The man can't even begin to decide what to make of his love life, not to mention career, so why the hell should any of us bother, either? Wake us when you know who the hell you are, dude!

Dear Ted:
I think J.Lo needs to be alone for awhile. With her track record, I'm sure she will be married again before the year ends.

Dear Get Real:
She's not that desperate. Maybe if she didn't have Idol right now, I'd say that was a possibility. But, since she does, I say Jen's engaged in two years.

Dear Ted:
Would it be accurate to say that Toothy Tile spends a lot of time in the San Fran valley?

Dear Tile's Abode:
Toothy is familiar with many a gay mecca, SF, included.