What's a party girl to do when she returns to the scene but isn't allowed to play like she used to? Hmmm. Poor over-indulged (and over-exposed) Morgan Mayhem is suffering such a dilemma.
But the good news is, she's back! On the club circuit! Where she belongs!
Problem is, Morgan just can't lay off the booze—hard as she's tried. But our girl is making progress, promise. See, to help sorta try and clean up her incredibly filthy act, M.M. has completely and totally sworn off...
But how long can this last? Morgan is putting herself in the exact same situations that led her down the path to rehab. And by surrounding herself with party friends from the past, Morgan barely has a shot at staying off the sauce. Or the powder.
Picture it: a dark Hollywood nightclub with music pumping through the speakers as heavily as air conditioning cools off the spoiled club rats who inhabit it. The party is already in full force as Morgan breezes past the paparazzi's flashbulbs on her way inside and tucks into a black leather booth in the back corner of the room.
Where there are...two bottles of Grey Goose, a pitcher of cranberry juice, one of tonic water and a bowl of limes. All chilled. All gratis. So, Morgan's friends immediately pop open the vodka and start pouring themselves doubles. Morgan's tall blonde girlfriend pours two drinks, one for her and one for Morgan, who obviously cannot be seen anywhere near the vodka bottles.
"It's water!" Morgan hisses at a college-age girl in a Bebe minidress ready to take a pic with her cell phone and send to the rest of her sorority.
But Morgan needs the extra liquid tonight, as she's got an ex in the room and everyone is feeling très awkward about it. So tonight, Morgan just pours herself some extra "clear liquid" and stays away from the powder that is being offered to her discreetly in friend's purses and during frequent trips to the bathroom.
Because Morgan's told her friends: It is her mission to keep those poor, damaged nostrils of hers blow-free.
Uh, then why hang in clubs where nose candy flows like Russell Brand's seminal fluid?
Unfortunately, it's only a matter of time before M is back to her old, jaded tricks. I mean, really, it's the equivalent of an Overeaters Anonymous member taking a cruise with 24/7 buffets on every level. Why torture yourself like this, Morgan?
Because you don't really want to clean up your act?
Yeah, we already knew that.
AND IT AIN'T: Cristina Aguilera, Paris Hilton, Mischa Barton