Things started off swimmingly, with Hollywood getting both its much deserved recognition and its comeuppance at the hands of Ricky Gervais at the 68th Golden Globe Awards. While celebs like Tim Allen are apparently damned if they do and damned if they don't, Gervais' roast certainly didn't deter anyone from engaging in laughable behavior—either that night or throughout the rest of the week.
GLOBAL WARMING: Ricky Gervais pricked a few egos, and probably burned a few bridges, at the 2011 Golden Globes. His scheduled break even prompted a Twitter-fanned rumor that he had been fired midshow! The Brit (and two-time Globe winner) later insisted he was just doing his job, that Robert Downey Jr.'s dressing-down was just another joke, and that Tim Allen was cool with being dissed as the lesser performer when compared with Tom Hanks. But whether you found Gervais' shtick despicable or devilishly brilliant, he did what an awards show host is supposed to do—he kept things moving, kept the stars on their toes and brought the ceremony in for a landing on time! Upon which he decided to declare his atheism, just in case anyone had started to relax after a night of many well-deserved upsets, gowns both fab and frustrating, and an eerily humorous De Niro. (And remember, we covered the Globes from top to tails. How much do you love Colin Firth? Didn't Angelina look great? What the heck was Julianne Moore wearing?)
MISS INDEPENDENT: Christina Aguilera's catfight with Burlesque costar Julianne Hough was reportedly just the culmination of some good partyin' that started with her drinking too much and passing out in Jeremy Renner's bed. But it's OK, her boyfriend was there!
TOO SOON: Kelsey Grammer isn't the only guy itching for aisle walk No. 4! Less than a year since people first found out he had a, um, wandering eye, Jesse James is engaged to rebound love Kat Von D. But at least Sandra Bullock had a few hours to prepare for this bombshell, and she didn't have to flee her home in the aftermath or anything like that.
SMOOTH CRIMINAL: Kristen Stewart is getting up there in years. I mean, she's 20 already! Still, Vogue probably didn't need to have such a heavy hand with the retouching. She's got a few more good years until she'll have to start playing divorced moms and wise teachers and Julia Child, so no wonder the over-airbrushed pics ended up in the outtake bin.
GIRL POWER: Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban revealed that they recently welcomed their second child, daughter Faith Margaret, via a gestational carrier, meaning both Kidman and Urban's baby-making materials were used in the creation of this child. How wonderful for the seemingly very happy couple, who never fail to charm on the red carpet.
SEX AND DRUGS AND KIDS, OH MY!: MTV's new 10 p.m. drama Skins is under fire already—from its own parent company!—for being too provocative. With Viacom suits already concerned that the series is approaching child porn and the promise of more "real depictions of high school students" to come, producers are already fielding requests to tone it down. Taco Bell didn't wait around for things to get milder, instead taking its cheesy beef concoctions to another timeslot.
END OF AN ERA: Regis Philbin announced he'll be leaving Live With Regis and Kelly sometime this year. Reege has been doing an incarnation of his morning show since 1983 and started on TV 20 years before that, so...he will be missed.
ZERO HOUR: Keith Olbermann abruptly signed off from Countdown Friday, sans explanation, but it certainly didn't sound like it was his idea. MSNBC said they had "ended their contract." The least the network could do was prevent the door from hitting him in the ass on his way out.
WEDDING BELLS: They chimed awhile ago for Monica and L.A. Laker Shannon Brown...Spencer Grammer, Kelsey's daughter, is engaged to James Hesketh.
UNHITCHED: Desperate Housewives narrator Brenda Strong filed for divorce from Tom Henri after 21 years of marriage.
ROMANCE REPORT: Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal grabbed dinner together in Nashville, but were "not affectionate"...Dave Navarro is taking a shot at love with Tila Tequila...Melissa Etheridge reveals she's in a "committed relationship" with Nurse Jackie creator Linda Wallen...Ciara scores with New York Knicks star Amar'e Stoudemire, Chelsea Handler gets the assist...Spanish porn star Irene Lopez is vague about what's going on between her and newly single Macaulay Culkin...Barbara Hershey and Naveen Andrews appear back on...Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller are not getting back together...Holly Madison found love in 140 characters or less...Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds are not lovahs. Too bad.
BABY TALK: Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner are expecting their own little heir (or heiress)...Michelle Duggar talking No. 20?!...Miranda Kerrshows off son Flynn Bloom, and most of her breast...Emily Procter returned to the CSI: Miami set a mom...Elton John and David Furnish show off son Zachary Jackson Levon (Furnish-John), and no breasts...Kelly Preston talks out loud about "silent birth"...Pink is preparing for motherhood...Bristol Palin's son Tripp is still going by Johnston...Gabriel Aubry has taken his custody issues with Halle Berry to court...Hilary Duff dispels pregnancy rumors with a few glasses of pinot noir.
SHORELY YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS: Jenni "JWoww" Farley's ex says she went and got an injunction against him for nothin', because he wasn't going to be peddling any naked pictures of her anyway. He just wants his money for managing her, yo.
KARDASHIAN KORNER: Kourtney Kardashian talks Scott Disick's new mancessory...Playgirl wants Rob Kardashian and his 2,000 parts...Kim Kardashian works it out while shooting her Skechers Shape-Ups Super Bowl ad...Kim's not onboard with Teen Mom's popularity. Amber Portwood thinks Kim should be the last one to talk...Khloé Kardashian Odom opens up yet remains caged in YRB, while hubby Lamar does the Playboy interview...Kim is house-hunting in NYC to be closer to New Jersey Net Kris Humphries...Khloé's back to brunette.
MUSIC: Lady Gaga debuts new tune from upcoming Born This Way at Thierry Mugler show in Paris...Mya's latest high-energy single, "Love Is the Answer"...Courteney Cox wasn't there, so Prince pulls Leighton Meester onstage at Madison Square Garden...Kanye West, Arcade Fire and Kings Of Leon top-lining this year's Coachella fest.
TV LAND: Loretta Devine does her best to make you cry on Grey's Anatomy...American Idol's 10th season premiered in all its demeaning and inspiring glory...Nevada or bust for the Sister Wives clan...Jimmy Kimmel Live will start five minutes earlier, and no one is leaving ABC over it...Bachelor Brad Womack isn't just criminally lame...First season of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills goes out with more than a whimper (the Reunion special is even better) as the ladies hate on each other and prepare for season two...Top Chef All-Stars bids Marcel Vigneron adieu...Joan Rivers disses Sarah Palin, ends up on Anderson Cooper 360 instead of Fox & Friends...Gwyneth Paltrow returning to Glee for a fling...Ricky Gervais still allowed a cameo on The Office...Meet The Amazing Race: Unfinished Business cast...Meet The Biggest Loser's newest trainers...The California sun is not shining on Law & Order: Los Angeles.
SCREENPLAY: Anne Hathaway will play Selina Kyle/Catwoman in The Dark Knight Rises...The Breaking Dawn Part 1 title poster is hot, but not quite as hot as the Bella-Edward sex scene...The King's Speech lords over the BAFTA nominations...Clint Eastwood to direct Beyoncé in the fourth incarnation of A Star Is Born? Bully!...Robert Downey Jr. to voice Mr. Peabody in the animated Peabody and Sherman...A rash probably wasn't the reaction Jennifer Lawrence was hoping for from her X-Men: First Class character...Sacha Baron Cohen adapting a Saddam Hussein-sanctioned romance novel for the big screen...Garrett Hedlund talks smooching Kristen Stewart in On the Road...Will Smith talking about remaking Annie for Willow...15 films with big Sundance buzz...GLAAD Media Awards nominations...Paris Hilton helps document the Sunset Strip...Here the pitter-patter of big ol' hooves in this Secretariat bonus footage.
LAW & ORDER: Amber Portwood and baby daddy Gary Shirley are in cahoots as far as getting the restraining order against her lifted...Vince Neil gets jail time for DUI...Cy Waits still facing charges from the night he got busted with girlfriend Paris Hilton...Prison sentence for would-be pill pusher and Big Brother 9 winner Adam Jasinski...Jail time in England for abusive brother of Harry Potter actress Afshan Azad, despite her plea for leniency!...The $1 million must have gone right to his head, because Survivor: Nicaragua winner Judson "Fabio" Birza was busted for kookiness...Ellen Barkin and billionaire ex Ron Perelman settle up.
FAREWELL: Susannah York, Oscar-nominated British star of They Shoot Horses, Don't They, Tom Jones and A Man for All Seasons, died of cancer at 72.
PRODUCT PLACEMENT: Megan Fox wearing nothing but Emporio Armani lingerie...AnnaLynne McCord seduces a Marc Ecko handbag...Heidi Klum gets into the fragrance market with Heidi Klum Shrine...Orlando Bloom is the face of Hugo Boss' Boss Orange Man...No product for Lindsay Lohan, just placement.
SEEN: The Biebs and Selena avoiding the camera at Jessica Jarrell's 16th birthday party at Moonlight Rollerway in Glendale, Calif....Ben Affleck, Michelle Williams, Jeff Bridges and many more taking tea at the Four Seasons at the annual BAFTA/LA event...David Spade doing drag a disservice on the set of Adam Sandler's latest, Jack & Jill.