The hot thing to do this past holiday season was to get the heck out of Hollywood and put on a bikini.
Rihanna went back to her native Barbados, where the newly single singer relaxed on the beach wearing a black panther head bathing suit. (Too bad the woman died before they figured out where to do CPR on her, quipped Joan.)
Meanwhile, Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez sparked an international (adolescent) crisis with their Caribbean yacht trip. Girls have been texting death threats to Selena ever since the teen stars were snapped cuddling. It was such a romantic New Year's Eve, said Joan of the young couple, that right at midnight his balls dropped.
Wish you were here anywhere but there!