Michael Bolton was eliminated six days ago. That's eons in TV time. Scandal's over, everybody go home.
Wait, not literally, of course! There's still so much Dancing With the Stars to keep up with, starting with the first 9's of the season...
They didn't come courtesy of Jennifer Grey.
Instead, Audrina Patridge was the belle of the ballroom Monday, with her waltz, dedicated to our fallen troops and their families, being called "the most touching dance of the night" and earning 9's from Bruno Tonioli and the ever-discerning Len Goodman.
It may have something to do with the fact that Tony Dovolani is more man than Brody Jenner-and-whoever all put together, but, in our opinion, the reality-TV star has shown more verve in three weeks on this show than she did in six seasons of The Hills.
But while we couldn't wait to see more of Grey's anatomy during her samba, the Dirty Dancing star finally made a false move (and wore silly pants).
This was the first week in which the judges found a hint of fault in her technique, with Len pointing out the "twiddly" bits of her samba but otherwise applauding her sexy school teacher treatment of Derek Hough.
(The head judge was forced to handle a little exposition because the challenge this week was to have each dance tell a story.)
And the rest:
• Brandy's samba was much better than her jive, but we feel she'd be just as happy dancing by herself as she is with Maks, who the judges scolded for swatting his partner on the bum during practice.
• Bristol Palin's lack of performance experience came back to bite her, with the judges criticizing her acting ability more than her otherwise adequate foxtrot.
• The Situation did not suck at ballroom nearly as much as we thought he might. As Bruno said: "Very futuristic, sometimes apocalyptic, but in a weird way, very entertaining."
• A bodice-sporting Florence Henderson rechanneled Maria in The Sound of Music, a role she played onstage some decades ago, for tonight's waltz. And Corky Ballas, replete with military medals, was so Capt. von Trapp—although Corky and Florence's lingering smooch may have been hotter than any scene Christopher Plummer shared with Julie Andrews.
• Kyle Massey waltzed off with our hearts once again, remaining the most unassumingly suave and graceful guy out there. What's Len's deal, calling his footwork "atrocious" and "nonexistent"?
• Hunky Rick Fox didn't exactly exude Latin heat during his samba, but he didn't commit any major fouls and he seems to really be enjoying himself out there. And, he's got a nice shimmy for 6'7".
• Just as hunky Kurt Warner cut a fine figure, as always. The judges saw more grace than we did, though. (Um, a foxtrot to the poor man's verison of "Bad Day"? Where do the producers come up with this stuff?!)
• The samba unfortunately uncovered a lot of Margaret Cho's weaknesses—as well as the gun-in-garter tattoo on her thigh! Decked out in a fringed rainbow flag-dress, Cho was praised for her message of pride, if not her heavy footwork. Explained the comedian: "I think this is the gayest thing that has ever happened, so I could not contain myself!"
Here's how the leaderboard stacked up:
Audrina Patridge & Tony Dovolani: 26
Brandy & Maksim Chmerkovskiy: 24
Jennifer Grey & Derek Hough: 24
Rick Fox & Cheryl Burke: 24
Kurt Warner & Anna Trebunskaya: 23
Kyle Massey & Lacey Schwimmer: 23
Florence Henderson & Corky Ballas: 20
The Situation & Karina Smirnoff: 20
Bristol Palin & Mark Ballas: 19
Margaret Cho & Louis van Amstel: 18
Another star bites the dust tomorrow night, following performances by Ne-Yo and—duh-duh-duh—Michael Bolton, who's stepping in for Susan Boyle while she recovers from a throat infection.
(Originally published Oct. 4, 2010, at 7:05 p.m. PT)
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