NBC Photo: Virginia SherwoodYesterday we spilled that Angelina Jolie survived Andrew Morton's could-have-been traumatizing tell-all with little to no damage to her saintly image.
That's not to say there wasn't some dirt dished about the mostly reformed bad girl, though. And since we read the friggin thing, we decided to give you (Brad, Angelina, and maybe Maddox, too) the lowdown on five of the juiciest tidbits Morton could come up with:
And, uh, just for the sake of saving our legal asses, Mother, let's reiterate that these came straight out of the damn book, so who knows what's true or not. Might we say "allegedly," since most of Mort's sources stayed off-record (don't blame 'em, knowing Camp Brangelina, we would too!). So no Blind Vice dish here, just what we read in the 300-plus pages of Angelina:
1. Mama Jolie Was a Cool Mom. Just to warn you, nearly the entire first third of the ass-kissing book is about Angie's mom, Marchelline, and occasionally estranged father, Jon Voight, and their very rocky marriage (cheating, divorce, years of feuding, etc). Interesting stuff, yes, but we're here for Angie.
After their divorce, Ange sided with her mom, of course, who seemed to only want to be A.J.'s gal pal. This led to some of the wilder times in Angie's life. Like, say, when her mom let Angelina's boyfriend move in at just 14 years old and gave the kids the master bedroom. Or when March plotted and schemed to marry Ange and Mick Jagger without her daughter's knowledge.
Heck, the whole reason Angelina got into show business really was to impress her mom, who always loved the celebrity lifestyle.
2. Angelina's the Ultimate Survivor? Angelina is a tough lady, that much everyone knows, but it's because she apparently went through some seriously effed up stuff. Like years of supposed drug use (says a self-proclaimed dealer and friend, who also claims to have documentary footage of Ange doing the drugs at his apartment). Morton says she finally cleaned up during Tomb Raider. And serious thoughts of suicide stemming from, what Morton writes, Angie feeling like she cannot connect to anyone around her.
The most troubling? When Morton claims that Jolie supposedly hired a hit-man to kill her. Is A.M. serious here? Thank celeb-lovin' heaven she didn't get her way!
3. Some Lists Have Lots of Names on Them! How small is Hollywood these days? Extremely small, especially when you've apparently slept with everyone with an IMDB account. Showers with Leonardo DiCaprio (who didn't float Angie's boat); threatening to punch Kate Moss in the face for supposedly hooking up with her estranged ex-hubby Jonny Lee Miller; getting a Billy Bob Thorton tattoo in her nether regions seemingly moments after meeting him; romances with the likes of Timothy Hutton, Mick Jagger, possibly Colin Farrell, and Ralph Fiennes (amongst others, it really did become hard to keep track)—all in a rumor-mongering, totally way-the-hell-off-the-record day's work for Mr. Morton. Hey, sounds like my 9-to-5 gig!
Oh, and for anyone who thinks the almighty Angie can't be intimidated by other ladies? Case in point: Halle Berry in Monster's Ball, of which, according to Morton, Ange was so worried about the sex scene that she sent her bodyguard to watch over Billy Bob.
4. Angelina's Got a Super Progressive Stance on Sexuality. Sure, A.J.'s openly bisexual and had a relaysh with model slash actress Jenny Shimizu (handled with class in the book, kudos, Andrew) but it was this quote that caught our interest: "Do you know, if Tom Cruise and my brother came out as a couple, I think the public would embrace them," apparently said by Angie after having dinner with a then-married Tom and Nicole Kidman (she's talking about her brother James Haven, ya know, the one she deep-smooched at the Oscars).
5. Ted Casablanca Gets a Shout-Out! Yes, that's right. Yours truly made a quick cameo during the torrid love affair of Angelina and Billy Bob Thorton. Morton writes that, during the couple's mucho hot and heavy days pre-marriage, The Awful Truth reported insiders in Camp Angelina 'fessed the duo got eloped (which, at the time, they did say).
Hm, might Morton still be a bit put off that we cried foul at his Tom Cruise puff job? Wonder how he'll retaliate in his next biography!