Mark Salling, Selena Gomez

Todd Williamson/; Frazer Harrison/Getty Images

Dear Ted:
You have got to answer this one for me! I've heard rumors about Selena Gomez and Mark Salling...any truth to them? A "friend" reported that Selena's totally into him and they might be dating. I don't have any rescue pets to pimp out (I live in a dorm room), but yesterday I saved a bird that was stuck in an umbrella holder!

Dear Team Sallmez:
Sorry, Sasha, but tell your "friend" that they've got their facts mixed up, 'cause if Selena and Mark are dating, he sure as hell doesn't know it. Trust, he's been out on the town quite a bit lately, and not without the ladies, might I add. Bless you for saving that chickie, by the way. Totally counts!

Dear Ted:
Has anyone mentioned Dakota Fanning for the role of Lisbeth Salander? She's a great actress, has the requisite small frame, and based on her past work, isn't afraid of venturing into some of the heavier material.

Dear Pukefest:
While D.F. may be quite the actress, do you really want to see little Dakota tonguing Daniel Craig? Ew, ew, ew. Whichever gal gets Lisbeth should at least be legal, don't you think?

Dear Ted:
I'm curious about Miss Costar of Nevis Divine fame. Is that her actual Blind Vice name or can she be found under another B.V. name?

Dear Costar Kissin':
That's her BV name, all right, 'cause that's really all she's got going for her. A bit sad, huh?

Dear Ted:
Is there anything going on between James Franco and Mila Kunis? I have seen them in pap photos together and a few projects, namely a spoof of The Hills and a couple in Date Night. Are they just good friends? I had thought she was still dating Macaulay Culkin and he's a pretty non-celeb. BTW you look so handsome in your web photo! Keep up the good work speaking the truth about human and animal rights.

Dear To Be Franc(o):
Compliments will get you everywhere, Liz, so it pains me to tell you that these two aren't together. While the duo may have some megasexy chemistry onscreen, both are happily—more or less, at least—dating other folks.

Dear Ted:
Why doesn't Strippa Rip-Ya's hubby have a B.V. name? Obviously, this describes his vice, being abusive to his wife. Does that mean he already has one in the archives?

Dear Strippa'd of His Name:
Cause, honestly, if Strippa leaves his sorry ass—which, at least at this point, it sadly doesn't look like she'll do—I hope we'll never have to hear of him again. I see no point in giving this loser a moniker. Remember, they're ultimately a compliment!

Dear Ted:
What are your thoughts on the relationship between Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise's older children? Is there genuine affection there or is it all one big PR show?

Dear Mommie Nearest:
Better than with their other mother, let's put it that way. I mean that wholly without irony—which is a very good thing for these kids.

Dear Ted:
I've emailed this multiple times, so I'm beginning to think I'm right. Is Jack Nicholson Moisty Mohr?

Dear Repeat Offender:
Way wrong-o. Just when you got your hopes up too, huh? Basketball games aren't the kind of glam events Moisty loves to attend. Not his cup of recreational tea, at all.

Dear Ted:
After all the recent love/hate back and forth concerning Ed Westwick and Jessica Szohr, it seems obvious that their relationship is now all about publicity. But was it always like this? Do you think they really hate each other and only pretend for the press? Or are they still together and secretly giggling about all the breakup and fight rumors? Frankly, it is getting quite annoying and is not making me want to read about either of them any more.

Dear All Gossiped Out:
Wait, you're implying that CW stars fake relationships for the media attention when they create drama, drama, drama? No! But to be serious, sure there was a spark at one point.

Dear Ted:
Read the piece on K.Stew and TomStu being spotted together in Canada. Then I heard this morning that he was cast in her new movie On the Road? Is this true? Hope there are some good Robsten updates coming our way soon...I'm having withdrawals.—Rachel

Dear Stu'ing the Pot:
Seems so. Shouldn't be so surprising though, we told you T-town big-wigs were taking a shine to the Brit. And this is just the beginning, trust.

Dear Ted:
When you publish a B.V., do you want us to guess it: (a) easily, (b) after some thought is put into it or (c) who cares, I just write 'em? Are some purposely thinly veiled (barely under the legal radar) and are others very difficult to solve? Just wondering. Guess it also depends on the nature and subject of the Blind. By the way, just rescued my second kitty from a shelter. Can't come up with a name though (she's charcoal gray).

Dear Det. Dirt:
I try not to make ‘em too obvious, babe, but sometimes these friggin' celebrities are so blatant that it's nearly impossible to cover up their bad behavior. But then again, some of the big Vices you all think are so obvious, you couldn't be more wrong. And congrats on your new little pussy. Call her Vice!

Dear Ted:
My question is about Ms. Twyla Babe-Sucker. You mentioned in early July that you'd give another B.V. update on her, but everyone in the "friggin' world" was talking about it, so you didn't. Did the Blind Vice update involve the dude she's been linked to in the press recently, a past flame or both?

Dear Sucks to be Babe Sucker:
Current fellow, of course. Really the only one she's got—doesn't that make you happy?

Dear Ted:
Now that Rachel Bilson and Hayden Christensen have officially called it quits, what can you dish on their relationship? At first I thought it was a publicity stunt—until it lasted three years. Was it real? Was it fake? Are either of them B.V.s? Where they in one together?

Dear Final Words:
I told you it wouldn't last. A lot of the goss about them was intentionally leaked, never a good sign.

Dear Ted:
Just wondering if you have any goss on Michael Cera? Has he ever been a B.V.? I really like the guy in spite of some critics who have a go at him for playing the same role all the time. John Wayne played the same role all the time. As did Cary Grant. Most actors have become movie stars based on a persona as opposed to being chameleons. Not everyone can be Daniel Day Lewis.

Dear Scared Turtle:
I'm kind of over Cera, sorry doll. Thought he was adorable in Juno, but he does play himself in every movie. How great would it be to see the guy totally mix it up and grab a role none of us would expect? Will probably end up seeing Scott Pilgrim vs. the World though, if only for Anna Kendrick.

Dear Ted:
Do you think the Jonas Brothers have actually ever loved anyone they have dated or just done it for the limelight?

Dear Gasp!:
You don't think Nick Jonas loved Miley Cyrus? But the answer (at least for the only two Jonas bros anybody cares about) is no, especially Joe.

Dear Ted:
I apologize if this seems like a terrible question to ask but is Angelina Jolie trying to exploit the transgender issues of Kathlyn Beatty by dressing Shiloh like a boy? I know that she's all about the attention.

Dear Attention Whored Out:
Uh, no.

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Tons more letters (and Blind Vice clues too!) in our Bitch-Back section.

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