This morning, purported text messages from admitted Mistress to the Stars Rachel Uchitel to (married, expectant father) David Boreanaz made their way online, and what they lack in X-rated titillation, they more than make up for with moral bankruptcy. So, you know, it all balances out in the end.
Still, Uchitel, who apparently sent the messages under the screen name "Puma," has come to her own defense this morning (someone had to), offering up not one but three rock solid irrefutable totally contradictory excuses for her behavior.
And as if that weren't enough, she also broke out this old gem: She was the real victim here! Though somehow we think Boreanaz's wife may take issue with that.
First off, Uchitel wants people to know her hand was forced in coming forward this morning. The poor thing.
"I did not intend to make any statements about David Boreanaz and our relationship," she said in a statement released through her ever camera-ready attorney Gloria Allred.
"However, given the fact that texts were published this morning over my objection that were not authentic, taken completely out of context or incomplete"—there's the trifecta!—"I feel compelled to address the false picture that has been portrayed."
That false picture includes Uchitel's alleged urging of Boreanaz to leave wife Jaime Bergman in L.A. (then pregnant with the couple's daughter) and visit Uchitel in NYC, as well as alluding to promises made by Boreanaz that he would leave Bergman for Uchitel.
While Uchitel doesn't refute the claims, aside from labeling them incomplete, she does admit that she has many more text messages to and from David in her arsenal that tell a more complete history of their coupling.
She's also shocked—shocked!—about her correspondence being leaked.
"For reasons unknown to me I believe that someone is deliberately trying to portray me in a false light," she said.
"These texts should not have been published. I am in possession of many authentic text messages between David and myself which portray a completely different picture than the one based upon the texts that have been published today."
Then she continues to make a case for herself as the wronged party.
"First of all I want to make it clear that he pursued me. Second, the authentic texts which I have reveal that David Boreanaz repeatedly expressed his deep love and affection towards me. Third, I broke off the relationship because I no longer respected or trusted him. Finally, I am deeply hurt and offended that anyone would think that I wanted to break up his family. Nothing could be further from the truth."
You heard it here first, kids: If there's one lady who's deserving of your pity, it's Rachel Uchitel. Just not for the reasons she thinks.