Thank goodness Conan O'Brien's going to cable, because, while he can't say peacock, he's still allowed to say the words pea and cock.
Or so the former Late Night and Tonight Show host told the crowd in Eugene, Ore., Monday as he poked fun at his old network during the first stop on his 30-city Legally Prohibited From Being Funny on Television Tour, according to an eyewitness.
A soldout crowd chanted his name as they stood in the rain outside the Hult Center for the Performing Arts, waiting to be let inside.
"This is the first time anyone has paid to see me. They've paid me to go away," O'Brien jested before going on to list the "eight stages of grief after losing your talk show."
Those include "denial, blame myself, blame everyone else around me, anger, paranoia, 36 hours of Red Bull and Halo, buy everything Amazon says I would also like (I bought a Team Edward thong), and get your ass to Eugene, Oregon!"
Talking about his new television venture, he told the audience, "I'm sure some of you heard I got a new job. Starting tomorrow, I'm the new manager of the Eugene Banana Republic."
He probably won't be wearing the pink sequin jumpsuit he strode onstage in to work.
"Right now," O'Brien said, "the people at TBS are watching, going 'What the hell? He's wearing a pink leather outfit?!' "
Of his departure from NBC, O'Brien cracked, "True story, I may not any longer be able to use the name Conan O'Brien. They may legally own it." He added, "There are certain words I cannot say. I can't say peacock, but I can say pee and cock."
O'Brien even took a shot at one of E!'s own reality stars: "I'm not on television, but Kim Kardashian is."
Guests included 30 Rock's Jack McBrayer, indie rock band Spoon, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog and the Masturbating Bear (rebranded as "Self-Pleasuring Panda").
O'Brien takes his self-deprecating shtick to Vancouver on Wednesday.
—Reporting by Drew Dakessian
Check out what Conan's new late-night neighbor is saying about him right here!