Dear Goosey Guesser:
J.J. is not Toothy's lover, but wouldn't that have made a totally exciting episode of Dawson's Creek?
Did you see Joaquin Phoenix? What a pleasant surprise to see him looking so good! Is he back on track, or is it just a bit of good PR? I'd like to know your opinion. I hope he starts working again. He is such a talented actor.
Dear "Performance Artist":
After that whole rap career hoo-ha, Joaquin needs all the good PR he can get. But he finally seems to have realized he needs to stick with his day job: acting. Even better, he finally shaved off that disgusting beard.
I was reading your B.V. about Nelly Fang. My guess is Allan Hyde. Am I right?
Dear Bloody Truth:
No, but nice try. Want to take another bite at it? Try yummier this time.
You haven't said anything about Terry Tush-Trade in a while. Last we heard, he/she was dabbling in booze and drugs just to deal with all the craziness. Has it gotten worse? Anything new to report?
Dear Det. Double-T:
Yep, happy to report Terry's cleaned it up—a lot. Shows, too. I'm sure you've noticed, as well.
Was Michael C. Hall's illness his Blind Vice?
Dear Point Dexter:
No, but I want to wish Michael a speedy recovery (he's already undergone treatment and his cancer is in full remission) and congrats on his recent wins at the Golden Globes and the Screen Actors Guild Awards.
I've been reading all of the Sundance coverage, and it looks like Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams are very close. I remember rumors of an offscreen relationship a while ago when they were filming Blue Valentine. What's the scoop?
Dear Delish Duo:
That Michelle just can't get the bad guys outta her system and Ryan just can't get the good into his, doesn't look promising.
Let's play a little game of six degrees of separation because, well, I've been having way too much fun on the Oracle of Bacon. How about we use Kristen Stewart as person No. 1 since you adore her? So tell me: Is Dashed Dingle-Dream's degree of separation with Kristen Stewart two? Thanks a bunch!
Dear Count on That:
Hollywood is a small town; these days I'm sure nearly everyone can be connected in two degrees of separation. But it was a clever attempt.
I think you said that Toothy's now-ex "GF" had been in a bearding situation before. Does that refer to her most famous ex? Also, have you noticed how horrible Brangelina look? They were both so good-looking a few years ago, but now they look like homeless drug addicts!
Dear Heavy Bearden:
You know what I like to say: once a beard, always a beard. And speaking of beards, with Brad's scraggly ass facial hair gone awry (and Angelina's withered sour pout to match), it's hard to miss the once dynamic duo's...radical change.
Regarding Jen Aniston being always pitted against Brangelina in the public eye, one thing comes to mind: It happened to Nicole Kidman! For many years after Tom Cruise dumped her for Penélope, she was always compared to Penélope and pitted against her ex wherever she went. Her solution: marriage! So how about a fake marriage...maybe even a fake pregnancy?
Dear I Now Pronounce You:
Jenny A. is all about her career and having fun right now, so even if she were to find her dream dude, (although, with the guys she's been cozy with lately, that's hardly bound to happen soon) she wouldn't be quick to tie the knot again. As for fake pregnancy? Maybe you've been watching too much Glee?
So now you're calling Dashed Dingle-Dream, Judas Jack-off's ex-boyfriend? Tell me it isn't so! I know they've had their problems and that Judas needs to stop listening to what other people think is good for him and dump the beard, but I always thought that in the end DDD and JJO might be able to work things out. Is that even possible anymore? Have the guys that most of us around here hoped would last forever really gone their separate ways for good? And if that's so, how are they handling the breakup?
Dear Why So Sad?
Judas ditched DDO for the beard his management arranged and only went back to DDO for the down-low sex he didn't want from his leading lady. In my book, that's not exactly a fairy-tale romance, so I say good riddance to JJO. It's time for DDO to move on and get a new man who isn't such a jerk-off.
Wondering if Felicity Huffman has ever been a Blind Vice? She's seemed a little "loopy" recently—with forgetting her lines at the Globes and then not being able to read the teleprompter at the SAG Awards.
Dear Snooping Housewife:
Felicity hasn't been a Blind Vice, but that doesn't mean she's not blind. Both her Globes and SAG slipups seemed to be because she couldn't read the teleprompter. Although I think she was adorable in handling both flubs; I say take a note from the hilarious Betty White's book and don't be afraid to show off your reading glasses onstage!
While I scroll past all things Twilight related, I get why they are part of the gossip scene. They are young, talented and relevant. But Jon Gosselin...please! Stop writing about the jerk. Really, I am begging. He is a waste of time. Ban him like E! banned the terrible twosome some time ago.
Don't give Jon any ideas—next thing we know he'll try to get a role in the next Twilight movie to join that "young, talented and relevant" group. Not a chance, Gosselin. Vampires don't wear Ed Hardy.
I'm from England, and I read in the newspaper that Angelina and Brad are "dunzo," so I've come straight to you. What's your opinion? I thought she would hang on longer. Is any part of this true?
Dear London Listener:
Brangelina aren't over yet, but something is up and, by the not-so-glamorous looks of those two crones, I'd say it's nothing good. And that's what I'm told, as well. Only time will tell if the duo calls it quits, but something had better change soon before people start mistaking Brad for Nick Nolte.
I've become quite disheartened with the blatant homophobia and tired stereotyping happening in the threads lately. In one of the recent Bitch-Back threads, commenters stated a certain actor "can't be gay because he likes sports" or "he doesn't dress like Adam Lambert!" I can't believe that in this day and age people are still assuming that every gay man on the planet is all about couture and Barbra Streisand. Could you please set the record straight for those few vocal members who don't seem to have ever met a gay person in real life?
Dear You Tell 'Em:
Of course it's surprising people are still homophobic. But with Prop 8 passing and gays still struggling for equal rights, it's clear homophobia isn't just restricted to a few commenters. People are just idiots, poor things.
I wonder who sleeps better at night—Jake or Reese?
The really cruel one. Like a baby, darling.