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Winehouse + Vodka + Assault = No Jail Time

Amy Winehouse Neil Mockford/Getty Images

A British judge is forcing Amy Winehouse to do something she's never done before. No, not go to jail, even though the once perpetually troubled singer pleaded guilty in court this morning to boozily assaulting a theater manager before Christmas.

No, her punishment is much harsher than that: She's going to have to stay out of trouble for two years. Good luck with that.

The 26-year-old, who appeared in court under her married name, Amy Civil (but, for those keeping track of such things, without wedding ring), copped to common assault and disorder for pulling the man's hair and calling him a "f--king c--t" during a family-friendly (though apparently not that family-friendly) pantomime of Cinderella.

She was fined and ordered to pay compensation of roughly $300 and given a two-year conditional discharge. Which means if she stays out of trouble for the next 24 months, she's a free woman. If not, well, in the judge's words, she'll be "hit hard...and hit twice."

"It might be harder than if you had a fine, because you have to stay on the straight and narrow for two years now," said District Judge Peter Crabtree.

As long as she avoids those looking out for her best interests, she should be all right. See, the incident was sparked by the theater manager's simple suggestion that it might not be the best idea for the clearly well-hydrated Winehouse to stop at the theater's bar before returning to her seat and instead offered her a glass of water. The nerve!

In court, her lawyer admitted she had—shocker!—been downing a fair amount of vodka and Cokes (like, five) before the show, though the prosecution argued, "Miss Civil said she felt embarrassed and patronized and, with no premeditation, grabbed his hair and pulled."

"It was a reaction, an overreaction," Crabtree told the singer. "Clearly there was no injury."

He went on to praise the island-retreating Grammy winner for the strides she's made toward consistent sobriety after examining her most recent medical report.

"You clearly have taken effort from this report to address your alcohol problems and any other problems you may have, so you get credit for that," he said.

While Winehouse, rather miraculously, has no prior convictions on her record, she has twice received cautions for similar offenses.

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Amy Winehouse isn't the only star to don her Sunday best and face the music. Check out which other celebs have been judged recently in our Court Appearances gallery.

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