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    Bitch-Back! Don't Turn Kristen Into Miley!

    Kristen Stewart, Miley Cyrus Chris Polk/Getty Images; Albert Michael/startraksphoto.com

    Dear Ted:
    Love you to pieces, but this is long overdue. The Twilight Saga is for girls like Holly, the 13-year-old cutie who got a pic with Rob and Kristen. Twilight is not for you, the cute horny gossip blogger that you are! Stop trying to make Eclipse sexier, ragging on Stephenie and Melissa and getting pissy about it because no one at Summit is listening to you! It's the Hollys of the world who the books were written for, and they really don't need anymore "sexiness" around them. They've got Miley and Taylor Momsen for that! Just get the porn parody or wait for the sex tape of Robsten like the rest of us grown-ups and let the cute Hollys of the world have their romantic fantasy—they can have their fantasies crushed in college like the rest of us did.
    B Fresh

    Dear Sexually Confused:
    I see where you're coming from, but you would be shocked to know the true Twi fan base. Did you see all the thousands of people who came out for New Moon's world tour? I can promise you I saw plenty of older women there first-hand who had no little sister or daughter by their side as an excuse to catch a glimpse of this cast. As for the Mileys and Taylors of the world, they are really that sexualized. This would just be K.Stew's character (Kristen is hardly a Miley Cyrus). I just can't stand to watch that sexually frustrated angsty face for two (possibly three) more movies.

    Dear Ted:
    Could Parrish Maguire be...Channing Tatum?
    Lindsay

    Dear Dance It Out:
    Totally close! But just a smidge off.

    Dear Ted:
    Many of us Twi-hards had our hopes crushed when we had to sit through two grueling hours of slow-paced, pointless drivel called New Moon. I know N.M. made a bunch of money, but critically, the movie sucked. Tell us, could some of the Breaking Dawn holdup have to do with finding better a better director and perhaps a better script writer? I mean, it must embarrass Summit to have critics slice up their movie. After all, doesn't all of Hollywood aim to be respected by their peers?
    Addict Twilight

    Dear Same Page:
    Hey, like I said yesterday, that's what I'm hoping the holdup could be. Hey—if Deep Twi is wrong (though I'm still being told that is not the case) then what is taking so damn long over there? That would mean Summit and Stephenie Meyer are on the same two-movie side. Obviously something is happening to delay the B.D. announcement, especially if they want to shoot this fall.

    Dear Ted:
    I'm assuming you've read the Twilight books. Is it just me, or is there just not enough story for two Breaking Dawn movies? C'mon. Take out the hundreds of pages of Jacob whining, and you could have a tight, succinct, dare I say interesting movie? My hopes aren't high anyway if that same screenwriter pens the script. My theory with megasuccessful authors (Meyer, Conroy, King) is that editors become scared to edit. A good editor should have ripped out at least one third of B.D. Difference between book one and book four is mind-numbingly apparent. Anyway, thanks for letting me ramble. Hope 2010 brings you much joy.
    K Connor

    Dear Intelligent Reader:
    Jeez, I think I agree with like 100 percent of what you wrote. I would rather see one movie. First, it would let these kids out into the real world of acting sooner, and secondly because I think two would be completely dragging it on.

    Dear Ted:
    I keep wondering why Rachelle Lefevre was dropped from playing superbad Victoria. Did she say "no way" to some VIP wanting her in his bed?
    Larrynla

    Dear Bury the Hatchet:
    Like I said back in summer, I think it was Summit's way of whipping their cast back in line. The studio wants to be in control, not their rising stars (and some rising egos). Rachelle was replaceable. We were told it really was a scheduling issue. While I think they could have resolved it keeping her on board, there clearly was another motive behind the "letting go."

    Dear Ted:
    In response to your question about what is it about Jared that makes everyone want him to have his own post? I think the dimples have something to do with it.
    Soud

    Dear Don't Worry:
    Jackles
    and their respective ladies will be an A.T. staple for a while.

    Dear Ted:
    If even some of the rumors are true, R.Pattz is set to have a very busy year, while, at this point, things are much quieter for Kristen. Intentional attempt to coordinate their schedules? Or have the right projects not presented themselves for K? I can't believe she would have any difficulty finding acceptable projects. Thanks.
    Hill

    Dear Sexist Casting:
    K.Stew has zero problem finding projects. With Breaking Dawn in limbo, it's probably hard for them to figure out what roles to accept. We like that Kristen will take her time with a role! And trust, she's gonna have just as busy of a year as Rob, we're sure. Let's just see what happens after two of her movies premiere at Sundance this month, 'K?

    Dear Ted:
    What the ef? Why is everybody and their dog getting engaged in Hollywood now? Not a day goes by without some supposedly happy couple stepping out and presenting us some stupid ring. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure some of those pairings are real, but the majority just screams publicity stunt and fauxmance to me. Since I'm still deciding whether to be annoyed or just laugh at all those who fake it in order to get some publicity, please tell me that this current engagement wave will not last forever. It is getting ridiculous now.
    Nic 

    Dear Time Will Tell:
    Hate to break it to ya, but I don't see this "put a ring on it for convenient reasons" trend going anywhere anytime soon. Not until all of these gay-rights issues get resolved. Remember, as far as we may have come, no one wants to see their big macho hunks for the queens a lot of them really are. Hence, the beards. And the beards get good publicity out of the sitch, too.

    Dear Ted:
    Pretty exciting that yesterday's blog inspired a response from the reclusive Stephanie Meyer herself. The words "thou dost protest too much" come to my mind. And, a positive shout out from Gossip Cop, too calling A.T. our "usual reliable pals." Good job, A.T.! I love you. Keep stirring the pot!
    Rob

    Dear Old Adage:
    Came to mind over here, too, hon-pie. We were totally flattered it sparked a response! Can we hope for another one? Come on Steph, if you and the studio are totally chummy and have the same agenda, then what's the problemo over there?

    Dear Ted:
    I love following you on Twitter by the way. Well, on Twitter there is a certain follower of mine (I follow her as well) that just loves talking so much trash about Danneel Harris and how you are always talking trash about her. Well, I read your posts every day, and not once have I seen you talking trash. In fact it seems you and Danneel have a certain dysfunctional respect for each other, or am I wrong? This follower of mine is eating up every tidbit you post as some excuse to hate on her. I'm a big Supernatural fan, and this follower says she is as well, but all her bitching and complaining is coming off as jealousy of Danneel. She says she refuses to watch Supernatural anymore because of Jared and Jensen geting married. What kind of fan refuses to watch a show just because the stars have a real life?
    Jessica

    Dear Twitter-Fused:
    Dysfunctional respect is a great way to put it. I heart any babe who has the Twitter-balls to take me on!

    Dear Ted:
    What kind of staying power does Elisabetta Canalis have with George Clooney? I think, out of the women that he has been with over the past couple of years, she is the most interesting in a long while. I always see, though, a bit of a disconnect between them in public. Am I right, or am I seeing things?
    Justme

    Dear Blinders:
    I've seen about 100 Elisabettas come and go publicly with George. Is he into her? Sure—she's gorgeous! But this is a bachelor for life. It's only a matter of time before she gets fed up with commitment issues like most girls do, or he gets bored.

    Dear Ted:
    OK. I know I must be one of the only people who care but...How serious are Jude Law and Sienna Miller? I'm hearing moving in, engagement. There is just something about this couple that is both cringe-inducing and mesmerizing. I can not look away. BTW, you are awesome!
    Delicious Not Nutritious 

    Dear Old Flames:
    Don't feel bad, I'm as shamelessly into the reunited sluts as you are. They're too perfect together, I hope they take each other off the market. But as of now, they're more extra special friends with the best kind of benefits.

    Dear Ted:
    Dude, have you seen the pix of Jessica Biel on Mt. K? She is smiling!? Happy to be away from J.T., or can she smile for a cause?
    J

    Dear Little Bit of Both:
    Jessica and Justin have been on the rocks for quite sometime, and it's not the kind you can climb out of for too much longer. I'd say this couple has a few more on-off in 'em before they're completely off.

    Dear Ted:
    Why is the media enabling Tila Tequila? If we don't pay attention to her, maybe she'll go away!
    Dnnro

    Daer Good Point:
    Aside from a few B.B. posts, you won't find that troubled girl in our blolum.

    Dear Ted:
    In a blind item last October, you told us that Toothy was fed up with his beard and was complaining to his PR team that the bearding angle they chose for him wasn't working. Also, he was tired of hiding his relationship with Grey Goose. Do you think that now he will choose a different strategy for his image? A glass closet, perhaps?
    Portia

    Dear Pins and Needles:
    Doll, I'm just as anxious to see Toothy's next move as you are. But after this out-me fagola dance that's been going on for years, I don't have my hopes up for a glass closet.

    _________

    For more of Ted's take, head on over to our Bitch-Back section.

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