For those of you wondering what took so long for Donald Trump lite Jared Kushner to pop the question to Ivanka Trump—and come on, there's gotta be one or two of you out there, right? Ivana?—we've finally found our answer.
Turns out, secularity is not a kosher characteristic for a wannabe bride.
The Trumpette herself revealed to New York Magazine that the reason why she dated the New York Observer-owning Kushner for two years without any diamonds being exchanged or hands being taken was more the result of Moses' law than Murphy's.
The newly betrothed 28-year-old only completed her long-pending conversion to Judaism last week and the self-described homebody couple could not officially be engaged until her religious switch was dunzo.
Far be it from us to assume his Orthodox Jewish family's reported reticence to accept the preconverted Trump would have anything to do with their reservations at making the social rounds, but no matter: While their courtship didn't include any couch-bound Apprentice marathons (as far as we know), it was about as far removed from glitz and glam as any endeavor bearing the Trump name could ever hope to be…
"We're very mellow. We go to the park. We go biking together. We go to the 2nd Avenue Deli," she said. "We both live in this fancy world. But on a personal level, I don't think I could be with somebody—I know he couldn't be with somebody—who needed to be 'on' all the time.
"I don't think we've ever been to a nightclub together in two years. I'm really thankful for that."
And unlike her mommy and daddy dearest, Ivanka said she wouldn't be following in her parents' footsteps by going into business with her hubby-to-be.
"Neither of us would naturally assume a secondary-type role."
A daddy's girl through and through, then.
Come to think of it, add a couple more real estate megadeals, an internationally mocked comb-over and an ever-loosening grasp of long-term monogamy to Kushner and…nevermind.
Mazel tovs all around.
No doubt about it, the Trumpster's 'do is a definite don't. Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner's coifs, on the other hand...