Here at E! Online it's kind of an all-Full House, all-the-time situation. Our vast knowledge about the Girard Street gang would dominate any trivia night and we basically let out a collective gasp when the news of the upcoming Netflix remake came in.
We wouldn't exactly call it an obsession, but rather a healthy appreciation for what is a great piece of '90s feel-good nostalgia. So when we read a recent piece from The Daily Beast that had the audacity to be titled "I Watched Every Episode of Full House and I Want to Die," the only natural reaction was...what?!
In case you're thinking that the article merely uses a clickbait-y headline and then goes on to say that Full House is cheesy but tolerable, just know that you're completely wrong. No, The Daily Beast believes the show is "truly something Satan would've dreamed up during an unshakeable flu." And that it is "abominable in a way nothing else is." Ouch.
So just why are they lashing out on one of our favorite shows? Because they found a guy who watched every single episode of Full House, and that guy was so horrified by what he saw that he decided to write a blog called Full House Reviewed. (Spoiler alert: He's the one who wants to die.) During the writing of said blog, author Ryan Alexander-Tanner (yes that is his real name and yes it is very ironic) took three full years to complete the eight-season show, and he documented the entire thing with near-scientific levels of scrutiny and analysis.
You're probably wondering what this man hates about Full House so much that he would devote three years of his life to making sure everyone knows it sucks. Sure, he's over the lame jokes and cheesy music, but apparently he also just hates the Tanners themselves. (Again, this would be the fictional TV Tanners and not his own family. But isn't that one for a psychologists' couch?) He told The Daily Beast "I think what is unsettling about [Full House] is how sort of confrontational and obnoxious it is. Whenever the family goes into public spaces, they make it about them. What about all of the other kids on the Little League team while DJ and Stephanie have this heartwarming talk? This is a nightmare world for all other people."
He's also not a fan of the production value, calling a scene in which Michelle and three other toddlers dance to "Twist 'n' Shout" the "most extreme example of the show not even qualifying as an amateur-quality production." If we were going to be super nitpicky we would point out that this show was filmed during the early '90s when almost no popular television had high production values in comparison to today's media, but we'll just let that one slide.
Differences of opinion aside, Tanner's blog is actually kind of funny, for nothing else than the fact that a person could be this passionately against a totally harmless sitcom. And it's pretty amazing that right after he wraps his three-year, binge-watching hate-stint, the television gods delivered Fuller House. We would say it's karma, but what do we know? We're just lowly Full House fans.