Is it just us or was tonight's Riverdale less ridiculous than usual?
Sure, Betty's performing for creeps on the internet, "Bittersweet Symphony" is a weird song choice for a 16 year-old's confirmation and Archie's double life of FBI informant and Hiram's mobster mentee is getting a little out of hand, but all of this madness seems to be finally falling into place in a way we actually didn't expect. We always love this silly show, but tonight might have been the best episode in a while.
Whatever Hiram's planning, we're finally kind of interested, and the Serpent storyline finally feels like it makes some compelling sense, even if we still don't quite get why Jughead cares so much.
Remember when Jughead and Archie used to be BFFs? That feels like another life.
Bughead Back Together?
Sure looks like Betty and Jughead have finally found their way back together. After losing their jobs on the Blue and Gold and teaming up to solve the mystery of the beheaded General Pickens statue (so Jughead wouldn't get a chunk of his arm cut out by angry Serpents), they celebrated their success with sex. (It was Tallboy, btw.)
Hopefully their reconciliation marks the end of Betty's time as a cam girl, because there are other stories we'd rather watch than an underage girl catering to lonely men on the internet as a way of coping with her mental health struggles. Once again, can you please go see a therapist, Betty Cooper?
Veronica is Confirmed
Veronica's confirmation was a major event in Riverdale, bringing together all her friends, actual family, and even her father's crime family to watch Veronica and Josie sing "Bittersweet Symphony." That's a song choice that makes little to no sense as a confirmation song, but we'll gladly take the performance anyway.
Veronica was also feeling a little guilty for not telling Archie about what her family's really up to, so she told him the least secret secret on earth. He already knew.
Archie's Double Life Continues
Archie's still working for the FBI (or what we're supposed to believe is the FBI), but he's not super into it. He was instructed to spy on a poker game for Hiram's crime bros, and after a lot of discussion of poutine, Archie overheard a conversation about getting rid of Hiram.
He then told Hiram this, and one of the guys ended up dead, but if the FBI (or the fake FBI, still not sure) asks, Archie knows nothing about it.
Chic Drinks Milk
Chic's business clearly goes beyond his webcam, because Betty came home to discover a teen boy coming down the stairs of her house, with Chic following close behind, decked out in a bathrobe and chugging from a jar of milk.
He claimed it was a "job interview" for a concessions gig, but we have our serious, serious doubts.
Later, another, scarier-looking guy showed up looking for Chic, and he did not escape unscathed. The episode ended with him possibly dead on the floor, with Alice cleaning up his blood and demanding that a newly arrived Betty lock the door. Sooo maybe Hal's got the right idea? Or Alice has the wrong idea?
Either way, we may never forget the image of Chic drinking that milk. It will haunt us.
Riverdale airs Wednesdays at 8 p.m. on the CW.