GOOP; Getty Images
GOOP; Getty Images
It's the most magical time of year: The Goop Gift Guide is out.
Each November we wait with unending anticipation for the list of Gwyneth Paltrow-approved necessities. GP and her fellow Goop-ies never disappoint; always one-upping themselves with gifts that are bigger, better, and way more expensive than before.
It should come as no surprise: Gwyneth is a woman of extremely high taste, and she doesn't cut corners anywhere. Not if she's hosting a dinner party or picking out Christmas presents for her nearest and dearest or steaming her vagina. (Yes, it's been at least a year, but those vagina steam jokes aren't going anywhere.)
This year's edition, just like in year's past, the epic gift guide is divided into a few different categories. There's a shopping list for travel lovers, a shopping list for food lovers, a shopping list for healthy-living lovers, and a shopping list for just plain lovers. (Maybe don't read through that one at work...) But it's the annual Ridiculous, But Awesome guide that we're really living for. This is where GP and her staff cull together some of the most outrageous, and outrageously awesome, items for the person who has everything.
Seriously—you definitely shouldn't buy these items for anyone who doesn't already have everything. If you really want a new set of wine glasses but get a trip to an underwater art exhibit instead, that can be tough.
The guide, which was created in tandem with luxury experts Moda Operandi, has everything under the sun. But before we get into the gory details, we know you're dying to talk numbers. So talk numbers we will.
The entire thing, from the bicycle made entirely of leather to that underwater art exhibit we mentioned, will cost you a whopping $192,394.
We'll spell that out in case numbers aren't your thing: That's almost two hundred thousand dollars. It includes just over 20 items, and two of those don't even have prices because they're so exclusive. So it's safe to say that we now see how the other half lives. You can ogle the entire guide here, but let's delve into a few of our favorites.
A personal yurt. Come on baby, make it yurt so good. Sorry, we had to. This is a gift for everybody who loves glamping but doesn't love going further than their backyard. It's modeled after real-life yurts that are found in Mongolia, so you know this s--t is authentic. We have no idea what the inside looks like, but for over $8,000 it's probably pretty luxurious. Or it's completely bare, because once you're talking about spending thousands of dollars on what is essentially a glorified tent, all reason goes out the door.
Dennis Hopper's personal record collection. Fun fact: Dennis Hopper, he of Apocalypse Now and Speed fame, has great taste in music. It just takes $150,000 to see the receipts. From the teaser it looks like it'll be folk-heavy, with Pete Seeger and Van Morrison and the like.
A zombie apocalypse survival kit. Okay, this one's legit. No one doesn't need super awesome life-saving tools like ponchos, duct tape, waterproof matches, dust masks, food rations and a "survival shovel." We should offer a disclaimer, though: It will only keep you alive for 72 hours and it's only ideal for 2-4 people, so you should probably have a backup plan.
A $2,000 clothes steam-cleaning system. The Goop description reads "Just think of all the $ you'll save on dry cleaning," to which we have to ask: Where are you taking your clothes to be dry cleaned, Goop? A machine that expensive doesn't typically qualify as a good deal.
A $500 umbrella. Sure it has a skull for a handle and it's made by Alexander McQueen, but does it keep you that much drier than your average Target variety?
Hologram glasses that only developers can buy. This is the ultimate in exclusive presents: Only certain very fancy tech people can purchase it. And you have to agree not to resell it by signing in your own blood, probably. But once you jump through those hoops you have a headwear contraption that puts Google Glass to absolute shame.
A living moss wall. No shade here: It's like succulents on steroids and we want one. Can someone lend us $600?
An underwater art exhibit that you have to scuba dive to get to. Guys, this is free. What a steal! All you have to do is travel to Catalina Island (off the coast of Los Angeles), charter a boat out, and then also be a licensed scuba diver. But once you do that it's a great deal.