The Real Housewives franchise gave viewers Scary Island, the Dinner Party From Hell, Bookgate and now The Real Housewives of Orange County has another entry for the history books: The Airport Van Ride From Hell.
Imagine being on that van while Heather Dubrow called Kelly Dodd trash? While Shannon Beador and Tamra Judge screamed at Kelly and Vicki Gunvalson? While Kelly relayed rumors she heard from Vicki? While Meghan King Edmonds thought about her new candle store? Just imagine…
According to Kelly, Vicki said Shannon's husband, David, beat her and that Tamra's husband, Eddie, is gay. Yep, it got nasty. Which was worse: Tamra getting in Vicki's face and yelling, "F—k you!" or Heather's brief monologue: "Stupid bitch. Listen to me. That is not OK. You don't do that. Are you kidding me?"?
Once they got back to the OC, the ladies do what every single Housewives show requires them to do: rehash the drama and/or apologize in different groupings. For Vicki, that meant filling in Briana, the most normal person to ever appear on reality TV, on the happenings of the final leg of the trip. It seemed like Vicki couldn't own up to her role in the Airport Van Ride From Hell.
"My mom's a very dirty fighter…she shouldn't have told anybody Eddie's gay if she didn't want it to get out," Briana said.
Vicki kept saying she was hurt as well and just wants to move on. "Mom, you can't sweep things under the rug when people's feelings are hurt," Briana told her. Praise Briana.
"All I ever do is apologize," Vicki replied. Well…
Tamra said she and Eddie joke about Vicki's rumors, but Shannon is standing firm in her whole, "nope, not ever letting this go" mentality.
Meanwhile, Kelly apologized to Tamra for the whole daughter comment fiasco and Tamra apologized for her reaction. Kelly and Vicki met and Vicki…apologized. "In hindsight, I should have had her back," she said. Kelly continued on her crusade to feud with Heather and said, "She is the puppet and every one is the master and she's controlling everybody." That doesn't make sense.
When they weren't apologizing or refusing to apologize to each other, the ladies assembled to watch Tamra FINALLY compete in her fitness competition. As a result, we met a woman with this lower third designation: "Tamra's tanning specialist." What a time to be alive. By the way, Tamra won her competition, but not before Kelly gave her this fine (and by fine we're talking horrible) parting wisdom: "Remember my famous words: If you're not first, you're last. That's what I tell my daughter."
The Real Housewives of Orange County airs Mondays, 9 p.m. on Bravo.
(E! and Bravo are both part of the NBCUniversal family.)