It's that time of year! Snow falling. Peppermint Mochas. Holiday parties. And of course, all those intrusive personal questions that your relatives will hammer you with when all you want to do is sip some eggnog and hang out with your kickass grandma.
Any family holiday party is basically a minefield of awkward interactions, so you'd better come prepared with some social lubricant if you are hoping to survive. Plan ahead and equip yourself with an adult beverage like Stella Artois before attempting to maneuver any conversations that involve your love life and/or your career goals.
And speaking of planning ahead, because we want you to be armed properly for those family get-togethers, we have provided a list of responses you can use for all those embarrassing and nagging questions that you'll inevitably be asked over the next few weeks. Think of it as our gift for the holiday season!
The Question: "So, are you seeing anybody?"
Your Answer: "Yes. His/Her name is Netflix and it's getting really serious."
The Question: "Whatever happened to [insert ex's name here]? We really liked him/her."
Your Answer: "Do you want their number? Are you into heavy bondage?"
The Question: "Still looking for a job?"
Your Answer: "Well, I applied to be Beyoncé, but haven't heard back. I'll let you know!"
The Question: "Your generation today is so entitled. Why can't you guys be more like our generation?"
Your Answer: "Because I don't want to leave the next generation in crazy debt like you guys did. Now bring me some diamonds."
The Question: "Why do you spend so much time on the Internet? It fries your brain."
Your Answer: "I'll remember that next time you ask me to find the Start button for you on your laptop."
The Question: "Have you put on some weight?"
Your Answer: "Hell, yeah. Added about 5 pounds of awesome swag this year. Jealous?"
The Question: "When are you going to settle down and get a job/get married/start a family?"
Your Answer: "Let me check my calendar for a second…Ah, yes. Here it is. I'll do all that on January the Whenever I Damn Well Please."
Good luck out there gang! And Happy Holidays!