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Cecil The Lion


Internet, we don't always get along. But the fact that essentially everyone on the Internet who isn't a piece of s--t (and we like to think the majority of you aren't) is banding together to take down the man who murdered a protected lion in Africa is making us so damn happy. Hell hath no fury like someone on the Internet seeking revenge.

By now you've seen the story: Minnesota dentist Walter Palmer is being raked across the coals of the Internet for reportedly killing a beloved 13-year-old male lion in Zimbabwe named Cecil.

According to the Zimbabwe Conservation Task, Cecil was "lured out of a national park with food, shot with a crossbow, tracked for 40 more hours, then finished off with a gun" by Walter, who is a known trophy hunter. The murder of Cecil is horrifying on its own, but now the many lion cubs left behind are at risk of being killed without Cecil around to protect the pride.

Tl;dr: Walter Palmer is a disgusting person and if it were possible, we'd revoke his status as an actual human being.

The piece of garbage professional hunter who helped Palmer lure Cecil out of his protected territory and the owner of the land bordering the park are now facing poaching chargers. Personally, we wish someone would let these three loose in the jungle and see how they liked being tracked for sport.

Unfortunately, that won't happen. So the next best thing the Internet can do is flock to the Yelp page of his dental practice and drag his ass. Here are some of the helpful reviews left on River Bluff Dental:

"I didn't want teeth cleaned with a ratchet spearhead so I left. If I could imagine what smegma would smell like...it would be this guy's breath. What a waste of skin and oxygen.

"Do not see a blood thirsty psychopath for dental work. He may decide to add your severed head to his mounted collection."

"Dr. Palmer, I can only hope that when your time comes, karma takes over and puts you through even worse suffering, than what you did to Cecil the Lion. You are an evil man, a coward. Dare I say some sort of devil. You will get your comeuppance and many, MANY people will dance with joy."

"There is no amount of flavored tooth pumice or fluoride that covers up the taste of blood, especially that of innocent slaughter."

"If you're looking for someone who'll work on your smile then use your money to fund his thrill kill trophy hunting fetish Dr. Palmer is your man!"

"Here's what I look for in a healthcare professional: a disgusting and thorough lack of compassion, sociopathic tendencies, a vile propensity for torture of the innocent, a bombastic self-importance, a demented and narcissistic sense of fun, a self-serving and egocentric disposition, a knack for betraying others' trust, a history of lying to officials, a criminal record, and most of all a smug mug. I found all that in Dr. Walter Palmer at River Bluff Dental!"

"Yelp reviewers have the audacity to call Dr. Walter Palmer a human disgrace, a human piece of garbage, human trash, human manure smashed together and shaped to resemble a dentist, etc. The nerve!  Dr. Walter Palmer isn't HUMAN."

Reportedly, his dental practice has shut down because the backlash has been so intense. But it's unclear whether it's temporary or permanent. Good job, Internet!

If you want to do something else besides leave a scathing Yelp review, there are two important petitions to pay attention to: one is a call for proper punishment for Palmer and anyone associated with this vicious crime. The second is to help protect the lion cubs left behind to fend for themselves. If you feel frustrated, angry and helpless in this situation (and most of us do) then sign, share and spread the word on these petitions.