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Holly Montag, Kim Kardashian, Kendra Wilkinson-Baskett

Jesse Grant/Getty Images; Mark Sullivan/Getty Images; Courtesy of Ralph Notaro

Any guesses as to which reality-star boozer was quite the embarrassment in Miami over the weekend? When asked at a party by a reporter what she had been up to lately, the eloquent gal said this:

"I went to Africa. I had a baby. I don't know where it is. F--k, who cares!"

Make your best guess and find some truth after the jump: 

Holly Montag, duh.

Holly hit the Playboy party Saturday night, where the Black Eyed Peas concert afterparty was also being held (granted Fergie and her crew didn't show up until 3 a.m.).

The Hills "star" showed up shortly after midnight looking "trashtastic" as our partygoer puts it, wearing "muffin-top-showing jeans and a garish gold top that was barely tied in the back."

Hey, at least she was wearing pasties to cover her nips, which we hear were dangerously (or conveniently) close to being photographed.

Holly was very happy to be there, if you catch our drift, whisking Bunnies up in the air on the carpet. Also, that carpet was where she threw out that Africa, baby nonjoke we stated earlier.

And if you didn't already think Montag was a class act, our grossed-out spy says, "She had the razor bumps in her pits to prove it."

Also, zero of the Hills babes accompanied Holly to the shindig. Clearly she wasn't needed at the Maxim party, down the way where the rest of the girls were taping.

We just can't figure out which is worse: the fact Holly's show is still on, or that she's invited to these things?

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If they were in Miami this weeked, they're (probably) in our Super Bowl Sightings gallery.