Amy Winehouse

Focus Pictures,

Do-Me Meter, Awful Truth

What can we add to the already long list of what's wrong with Amy Winehouse? Wine-hon's 25th birthday is today, and we're seriously worried the B-day girl's only got two years left till she's inducted into the Forever 27 Club. This elite group includes a handful of notorious bad-behaving rockers who only made it to age 27—Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin and Kurt Cobain. Scary stuff, when ya think about it.

The way A.W.'s been behaving lately, we're surprised she's still breathing at all. And reportedly with the early stages of emphysema, does she even have any breath left to blow her candles out?

Is it bad karma to call this screwed-up siren a total Nottie? Mere sustenance is what's on our minds when we look at this creature, nothing remotely close to sex. Also, babe's wardrobe is the last thing she should be worried about, fer sure. Go eat some cake, Ames, and spend some time with your fam instead of your enabling buds. Take a cue from Lindsay's sober celebration for her 22nd B-day—if she can throw a bash minus the booze, anyone can.

—Additional sass by Becky Bain

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