According to Fox News, two Georgia men claim to have discovered the body of Bigfoot. Police officer Matthew Whitton and ex-correctional officer Rick Dyer say they have stumbled upon the hairy, 7-foot-7-inch carcass of the legendary ape man in northern Georgia, a heavily wooded region seen as the backdrop for films such as Deliverance, Smokey and the Bandit and certain episodes of The Dukes of Hazzard. Longtime Bigfoot tracker Tom Biscardi claims to have examined and even "prodded" the enormous body, which, based on photographs, is currently housed in a broken refrigerator.
In a possibly related story, veteran northern-Georgia bigfoot impersonator Lucas Pugh has been reported as missing after an appearance at a local Piggly Wiggly market opening. "Ol' Lucas done that funny bigfoot dance he does, an' had him a couple drinks," stated one witness. "We took the keys to his F-150 and he wandered off towards them woods yonder. Still had his damn ape suit on." At press time, Pugh's whereabouts remain unknown.