Did Lindsay Lohan really get paid for her recent New Yawk shopping spree? And what trouble she isn’t up to (for once) back in Tinseltown?! Plus, we tackle your letters and collect your two cents...
Lindsay Lohan, Dina Lohan, Ali Lohan

Dan Herrick/ZUMA KPA

Despite the fact that she’s been on her bestest behavior as of late, Lindsay Lohan still manages to be semicontroversial. One of the more recent Lohan rumors is that the so-tan Linds shopped personal photos from her Thanksgiving dinner with Dina, Ali, Cody and recently booted boyf Riley Giles around to the rags. Apparently, there were no takers, can’t imagine why. As if seeing Linds and Dina fight over the wishbone wouldn’t be entertaining as hell. And we’re absolutely serious about this one.
Lindsay Lohan, Dina Lohan

INFPhoto.com

And remember the little mother-daughter shopping spree we told you they took on Black Friday? One report claims that not only did L.L. call up all her favorite photogs for the occasion, but she got paid for shopping at the particular stores.

“Completely false,” claimed the publicist for Intermix and A/X, both stores that Linds hit. “I was with her that day...and she wasn’t paid.”

Interesting. If this wasn’t a prearranged, planned type of thing, did Linds just so happen to pick the stores that the flack’s company reps? And why was she palling around with the publicist in the first place?

Decidedly less controversial was L.L.’s recent lunch back here in Hell-Ay at Fred Segal. She lunched with a gal-pal and was very low-key in shades and sweats. And even though the entire joint was trying to act like they weren’t watching her, they were gauging L2’s every substance that went down her gullet like a Scientologist looks for slights.

She drank only water.

Madonna

Kevin Mazur/WireImage.com

Dear Ted:
So, your latest PR scheme is to insult the Catholic church? How very Madonna circa 1989 of you. Please, it has been done, and it's about as tired as your column.
  Maryellen 
  New York City

Dear Sister Sledgehammer:
So, it’s a PR plot to continue to defend the teams of boys and girls, men and women, who have been sexually abused by their trusted priests? How much of the Communion grog have you been gulping, babe?

Kanye West, Donda West

Brian Ach/WireImage.com

Dear Ted:
You are so disgustingly fake in your Hollywood plastic world. The lesson from Kanye's mom is not to have plastic surgery done at all. And everyone admiring plastic, narcissistic appendages, may they feel it themselves.
  S.
  Sausalito, California

Dear Dr. Don't:
Feel what, the wrath of an intolerant, one-initialed ninny from northern California? When you demean cosmetic surgery, you demean the memory of Kanye’s lovely, feisty mama—after all, she chose it. Shut up and let people chose, already.

Question Mark Silouette

Dear Ted:
Has Toothy Tile ever portrayed a vampire?
  Bev
  Birmingham, Alabama

Dear Interview with an Innuendo:
Depends. Do you mean onscreen or in a West Hollywood parking lot?

Russell Crowe

Danielle Abramowicz/WireImage.com

Dear Ted:
Regarding your comment about Russell Crowe ditching Meg Ryan, I think you meant in favor of phone-throwing and corpulence, not in lieu. I would have expected you of the Awful-speak to know what a phrase coined from the French, like in lieu, means!
  Dita
  Montreal

Dear Dic-Brain:
Sorry. Had bronchitis for a friggin’ week. Feel like Britney on all these damn drugs.

Jessica Simpson, John Mayer

Kevin Mazur/WireImage.com

Dear Ted:
Re “Texas Times Too Much” and "what darling Jess had to put up with..." with John Mayer. Wow, Teddy, your mailbag must be looking a little light lately. That is the only reason I can fathom you writing such nonsense—to get a rise out of your readers! Aren't you a sly one?
   Meg
   Chicago

Dear Windy Snitty:
What are you implying, darling? That we intentionally made Jess Simpson suffer through some of the kinkiest romancing of her life, just to give my already tumescent mailbox a stiffy? What power you must think we possess.

Laura Bush, George Bush

Eric Draper/White House/wireImage.com

Dear Ted:
Keep up the good (and accurate) reporting on the Prez and Laura. We D.C. natives know the truth when we read it. Loved your Turkey Day column, too, especially the shout-out to my fave actor, Russell Crowe. Keep giving 'em h*ll!
  Teresa
  Ashburn, Virginia

Dear Bashful:
Thanks, hon-pie. But this column’s published in California, it’s okay to say naughty words here like hell and Republican.

Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt

Steve Granitz/WireImage.com

Dear Ted:
Like you, I am deliciously awaiting the implosion of Brangelina. However, I'm a cynic, and I think they'll break up because Hollywood couples rarely last. Why do you think they're not going to last? Will Angelina return to her blood-vial tendencies? Is Brad too needy? I would really like to hear your sassy input on this.
  Erica
  Philadelphia

Dear Brange Buster-Upper:
Simple, really. She’ll eventually get bored with Brad and move on to a new boy-toy or gal-pal, while Brad will get sick of being bossed around and outshined by do-gooding Angie.

Matt LeBlanc

Vera Anderson/WireImage

Dear Ted:
T.T. has got to be Joey from Friends.
  Debra
  Layton, Utah

Dear Deluded:
And you, girlfriend, have got to be out of your gourd! As we’ve said before, Toothy doesn’t do the small screen.

Dear Ted:
Love the column and the fact it's one of the few sites I can go to for gossip without all the PR-sanctioned fabrications. But Toothy has seriously lost some stock value for me in this whole fiasco. Unless his boyfriend is in on this whole debacle, then Toothy must just be a despicable Hollywhore after all, not to mention a sad human being. I understand we all need money and most of us would like fame, but the levels he's gone to at this point are just unbearable to watch. So tell me, is Gray Goose a part of this whole scheme, or did Toothy really dismiss his supposed eternal paramour?
  Shannon
  Modesto, California

Dear Tooth and Nailed:
G2 is still along for the ride. And it ain’t easy. Interesting you focus on Gray, too, as he’s the only one in this whole messy sitch whose actions make the least sense.

Heather Locklear

Lisa O'Connor/ZUMApress.com

Dear Ted:
Maybe you know who is doing the new L'Oréal commercials, because it appears they hired a Heather Locklear kinda-look-alike. Girlfriend's eyebrows are halfway into her unlined, unmoving forehead, lips look like Jessica Simpson rejects, and that nose seems to have come from the Jennifer Grey Colorforms Collection. Ergo, I have concluded this spokesperson could not possibly be Heather Locklear.
  Robeeni
  San Francisco

Dear Dame Disbelieving:
We’re not sure which commercial in particular you’re referring to, but it wouldn’t be the first time someone in the City of Fallen Faces has gotten overzealous at the airbrusher’s office. Heather, say it ain’t so!

Hayden Christensen, Rachel Bilson

John Sciulli/WireImage.com

Dear Ted:
What's up with Hayden Christensen and Rachel Bilson? She was at his Awake premiere last week, spending time with his fam and all that. The buzz was that her being there made them officially a couple, but no word from you? What's your take?
  Karen
  Florence, Kentucky

Dear Cutie Checkup:
Hey, Rach may have showed up at the premiere, but she didn’t walk the carpet with Hayden or take pics with him. So, we say it's not terribly official until you mug for the cameras together...and even after taking those presh photo ops, it’s still not always as it seems, ka-peesh?

Owen Wilson

Nancy Kaszerman/ZUMApress.com

Dear Ted:
Regarding what you wrote in your Thanksgiving column, “Owen Wilson: Glad you’re alive. Ann Coulter: Glad you’ll die eventually,” very funny.
  Amy T.
  Chicago

Dear Hates Haters:
Thanks, sugar-puss! And now, can we please stop talking about that desperate idiot?

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