MYOB?

Tori Spelling steps out for a family din-din, minus mama Candy. Are these two batty broads still fighting? We have an inkling why. Plus, your rants, raves, Blind Vices guesses and more!

Tori Spelling's newly expanded fam was all whitened-tooth smiles as they shared a bite to eat with friends at La Terza, the über-trendy Italian-themed eatery inside the equally hip Orlando Hotel (where supergroup the Police recently stayed during their local reunion stint) in Hell-Ay. The Spelling-McDermott clan had three pals with them for the din-din, but clearly, all eyes were on little Liam.

"Everyone, even other diners, was going nuts over the baby," said a drool-witness at the restaurant. In between goo-goo eyes at the bambino, the crew nibbled on shrimp skewers and soup, and everyone except the new mama enjoyed some vino.

Shame. Would think Tore-babe needs a drink by now, 'cause, g-friends, I do hear things between the newly made up mother (that being the über-eyelinered Candy Spelling) and her not always adorable femme offspring aren't exactly that sweet...yet again. Something about T.S. getting a bit miffed over all those ree-dick open letters Candy's so busy sending (unasked) to myriad celebs right now—or so I'm told.

I know, I know, it's terrible of me to imply. That one needs a drink of booze to get over something, that is! Try Pilates, baby-hon. Why, Madge has found that groin-contorting exercise to be infinitely satisfying through many, many bouts of bad 'tude with hubby Guy. No joke here at all. And get over it, you two rich-ass Spelling divas (jeez, I'm sounding more 'n' more like lecturing Candy, so sorry). Everybody and their gossipy mama knows you're both exactly alike—and, therefore, you'll never be good buds. So, just kiss and pretend to make up, 'kay?

Dear Ted:
Why doesn't someone set up Mandy Moore with John Mayer? Seems like they would be a good couple.
  Dee
  Sacramento, California

Dear Mixed-Up Matchmaker:
I think Ms. Moore gets off with the goofballs—e.g., Wilmer Valderrama and Zach Braff, although, looks-wise, ya might not be too far off. And Mandy Mayer does have a nice ring to it, n'est-ce pas?

Dear Ted:
Why do you focus on no-talent wild things like Mischa Barton, Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan? Hollywood has many talented actors, but you keep writing about the wild ones.
  Harriet
  Princeton, New Jersey

Dear Wildly Dense:
Uh, because it's a gossip column?

Dear Ted:
Can Fake-à-la Ferocity from One Needling Blind Vice be my incredibly shrinking (yet still very talented) Jenna Jameson?
  M. Ortiz
  Huntington Beach, California

Dear King of Porn:
Sorry, F.F. ain't J.J., but I bet you had fun doin' the research on that one.

Dear Ted:
One Needling Blind Vice...Sarah Jessica Parker?
  Debbie
  Baltimore

Dear Sleuth in the City:
Not a terrible guess, girlfriend, but incorrect nonetheless. Think, uh, more mainstream—slightly.

Dear Ted:
Can we start asking you 50 questions to figure out who Toothy Tile is? By the time we get to 50, maybe he will finally come out of that moldy closet. Question one: Was he on Dancing with the Stars?
  Roxie
  Dallas

Dear Corral Gal:
Great idea! Shoulda known it would take a snoop from Texas to start something so rad. The answer to your first query is no. T2 is a talented thesp who's way above reality TV, trust.

Dear Ted:
Kathy Griffin says she wants to be the new cohost for The View and has no problem with Elisabeth. Is she only saying this so she gets the job?
  Ev
  Philadelphia

Dear Dubious:
I don't know 'bout that, but have you watched Kathy on The View lately? Girl's got her game face on, and it ain't pretty. She is just the right amount of crazy 'n' controversial, but I'm not sure if that's gonna be enough to fill Rosie's vacant seat.

Dear Ted:
Is the One Effed-Up Blind Vice couple Mandy Moore and John Krasinski? They are starring together in a new movie about a couple getting married, and I thought I had heard they were dating. I could be wrong, but the girl sounds like M.M.
  Laura
  York, Pennsylvania

Dear Hasty Puddin':
Nice try, crumb-doll, but they're not our dastardly duo. Think younger and on a smaller venue.

Dear Ted:
It seems like Fake-à-la Ferocity is Sharon Stone. She seems a little nutty and has been known to support several charities. Any truth here?
  Kim
  Houston

Dear Wrong Instinct:
S2 may be missing a few marbles, but she's not our smack-addicted sister.

Dear Ted:
Okay, Fake-à-la Ferocity has to be Jessica Simpson. She used to be so great—what happened?
  Ronda
  Iowa City, Iowa

Dear Right to Be Wrong:
Sorry sweets, but Jess-doll doesn't fit the profile. She's single these days, remember?

Dear Ted:
Keep fighting the good fight, Ted. Remember some states banned interracial marriage—those couples had to move elsewhere to marry legally. Frankly, I don't see what the fuss is all about. I would vote for gays to be able to marry—I think they should have the same opportunity to be miserable bastards like the rest of us. You have my vote.
  D.
  Chicago

Dear Misery Loves Company:
That's all I'm saying. Thanks for the support, D-doll.

Dear Ted:
Now that it's all over, can you tell us if the Jen and Vince relationship was fake? My vote is yes!
  Steph
  Lexington, Kentucky

Dear Debbie Doubter:
Jen was obviously lookin' for a cuddle buddy, not another humpable hub-unit like she seems to be on the prowl for now.

Dear Ted:
There is no way in hell that a Republican goes to the White House in 2008. Shrub and his cronies messed it up for his Repub buddies.
  Harriett
  Princeton, New Jersey

Dear Princeton Princess:
I totally agree. But if my Demo dude and dame can't close this primo opportunity and score a W, then I'm moving to a foreign country where I can actually marry my boyfriend, already. Wait, didn't Alec Baldwin make an anti-Bush threat like this once?

Dear Ted:
I need an honest opinion: Who is the sexiest celebrity in Hollywood?
  Marcia
  São Paulo, Brazil

Dear Sexaholic:
Taste is of course, subjective, but here are my choices. Guy: the always-in-style George Clooney. Girl: Shiloh Jolie-Pitt, duh.

Dear Ted:
Your argument about gays not having the right to marry giving you the right to refer to straight people in a pejorative manner is stupid. Many straight people believe that gays should have the right to marry. Also, slinging insults at people who disagree with you is childish and doesn't further your cause.
  Jessica
  Los Angeles

Dear Look Who's Squawking:
Eat my fairy tush.

Dear Ted:
Is Fake-à-la Ferocity our beloved Madge? I absolutely love her, others live to hate her, and she's got her hand in music, books, a clothing line, endorsement deals, real estate, charities, etc. Always assumed she's far too driven and too much of a control freak to do drugs, but then again, did you ever see her video for "Secret," a thinly veiled paean to heroin?
  John H.
  New York City

Dear Hung Up:
Excellent try, but, uh, no. Madonna does do everything these days, but not drugs...as far as we know, at least.

Dear Ted:
Thanks for your touching goodbye to Anderson Jones. I always looked forward to his E! Online column, because it was informative and made me laugh. The few times I saw him on TV, he seemed like a jovial sort who was full of life. Those are the ones who are taken way too soon.
  Keith
  Macon, Georgia

Dear Ted:
Thanks for your tribute to Anderson Jones. I was Andy's financial-aid counselor when he attended Ohio University in the early '90s. Even then I knew he was special and would go far. I felt a personal loss when I read he had passed away. He truly was a unique and special individual.
  Lisa
  Columbus, Ohio

Dear Jones Jivers:
Andy would have loved hearing from you both...I send each of you an A.J.-channeled kiss on the cheek—and thank you, truly.