From America Ferrera’s reportedly overactive tear ducts to The Hills' honeys’ also reportedly gooey (or not) goings-on, girlfriends, have we got a gab-filled Monday for ya, or what!
I know it will be just heaps o' trouble, but try—just try—and pull your dirty little scandal-sniffing schnozzes outta Lindsay Lohan's apparently unrehabilitatable behind and concentrate on probably the only other actress with comparable chops in this town. And this babe's weepin', too!

But for entirely diff reasons.

America Ferrera

AP Photo/Chris Pizzzello

America  Ferrera, the little non-perf puss who could from Ugly Betty, is—I’m told—bawling as we cyber-goss. And, no, not because she’s suffered too many fat-girl jokes (A.F. handles them with aplomb, trust, I’ve seen her do it with mucho success). See, the reasons for the tears—say so inside Industry vets thisclose to America-love’s nostrils—would be that America didn’t exactly want to participate in the girl-denim-gab flick she did before her big Ugly Betty breakout success, The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.

But big ol' mean Warner Bros.—say these same knowledgeable loose-lippers—held an option for A.F., should the Burbank-based studio want to shoot a sequel. And guess what? They did! Sure it had nothing whatsoever to do with America's bonanza big-ass success!

A repper for Ferrera would only comment that my hankie item was "false," no elaboration whatsoever. You don't snit-say? 

Sisterhood 2, with costars Alexis Bledel and Amber Tamblyn, is in preproduction.

Lindsay Lohan

Jerzy Dabrowski/ZUMA Press

Let’s get back to that Diesel store opening on Melrose I was buzzin’ about last week. Even though Lindsay Lohan’s good friend was cool with chatting about his train wreck of an amiga (does that make Linds-hon a caboose on the loose, I wonder?), seems not every person in Hollywood wants to talk L.L. Take Ludacris, for ince.

Lisa O'Connor/

“No Lindsay!” he insisted prior to his interview with us print peeps. Okay, about summer plans? Harmless enough gab, right? Luda said he’ll be spending his Fourth of July with...a former veep?
Al Gore

Lester Cohen/

“I’m doing a big concert with Al Gore,” he said. It's “kind of a green-day-type just using my celebrity to promote what’s going on with global warming is extremely important.”
So, of course, I was dyin’ to know if he was on Team Obama or Team Hil, the latter of which just had a fancy-ass fundraiser at Brett Ratner’s manse. But the rapper-actor begged off my question. “Do you smell barbecue?” he ducked, referring to the delish food being served inside. “I smell barbecue!”
Jonathan Bennet

Barry King/

Actually, I smell boring, Luda. Other revelers were ready to give their two cents on all things Lohan, like her Mean Girls costar Jonathan Bennett. “She’s got so much potential,” he lamented on Linds, whom he got to swap spit with in said flick. “She needs to settle down.”

The always adorable Brittany Snow seemed to agree with his sentiments. “If she really wants to get better, I think she has to be willing to do whatever it takes,” she said in a rather grandmotherly/Jane Fonda manner. “I think, a lot of the time, people aren’t willing to give up certain things. So, until you are, you’re kind of stuck.” 

Brittany Snow

Gregg DeGuire/

Glued on Brit herself was that cutie boy-toy B.S. brought on the carpet—just to show him off, ya know. They’ve been together for two years, which is a damn eternity for young Hollywood. What’s her trick, already?

“I think the secret is that we’re best, best friends, and we don’t buy into a lot of the stuff that goes on in Hollywood,” she fessed. “We don’t go out to a lot of events,” she surmised at, well, an event.

"Buying into how can we be cool and where can we go isn't good for relationships,” Brit-babe declared, finishing off her anti-red carpet red carpet punditry. Ain’t H-town starlets the best?

Audrina Patridge

Camilla Zenz/

Hardly waxing romantic was The Hills' Audrina Patridge when I asked what she thought of former pal Heidi Montag’s engagement to Spencer Pratt. “Well, they’re in love, so good for them,” she said, not sounding the slightest bit sincere. My kinda crimson charade chica! You go, girlfriend! 

I queried whether or not the lovebirds will be in the next season of The Hills, which has been filming for two months.

Spencer Pratt, Heidi Montag

Donato Sardella/

“I haven’t filmed with her yet,” Audrina equivocated. “I’m sure she and Spencer are filming, but they don’t go out, so we don’t film together.” 

Somehow I don’t see that publicity-seeking twosome opting out of having their mugs on MTV, you?

Paris Hilton

Maury Phillips/

Speaking of tabloid magnets, almost forgot about Paris Hilton with all this Lohan talk! How could I do such a thing? Now, Paris skipped said denim to-do, but her gal-pal Caroline D’Amore said she’d just been at P.’s Memorial Day soiree.
“She’s doing great,” Caroline enthused about her soon-to-be-incarcerated friend. “She’ll get over it. She’ll be a new woman.” One can certainly dream, right?
Christina Aguilera

James Devaney/

Christina Aguilera, ridin’ in the lap of luxury. Xtina was dropped off at the US Grant hotel in San Diego in a white Rolls-Royce last week. The pint-size songbird was in town for a concert, according to in-the-know types. Miz A. was dressed casually and bundled up...Why that, hon? Weather’s been warming up in California lately. Prolly wishing she had a bucket of ice water elsewhere was...
Hayden Panettiere

Steve Granitz/

Hayden Panettiere, giving her digits to an overeager Jason Davis. The Platinum Publicity swag suite for the MTV Movie Awards. A bleached-blond, beached-whale-esque Jason was slobbering all over poor Hayden when she walked through the door. At least she got to self-soothe with some shoes from Zappos and some Olivia Garden hairbrushes. Another questionable Davis dude about town was brother...
Brandon Davis

Alexandra Wyman/

Brandon Davis, riding a mechanical bull at the Diesel store opening on Melrose. The shiny oil heir was one of the only guests to cowboy up at said soiree. I’m surprised Brandon, clad in black and greasy as ever, didn’t slide off the darn thing! Don’t you wish you were there to see him get thrown? Think it hurt? Dunno. Sounds like a precariously dire-crotch sitch to moi.
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