Heavy Breathing and Berating!

By Ted Casablanca May 17, 2007 12:04 PMTags
We talk bitchin’ bods and beauty with Jessica Alba and Eva Mendes in the early ayem, and check on Britney’s hairy existence and bad habits as of late. Plus, which Hero is hosting SNL sometime soon?
It was all inner sparklings and spandex booties at the Entertainment Industry Foundation's 14th Annual Revlon Run/Walk for Women at the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum on Mother's Day weekend. Saintly (pretend with me, 'kay?) starlets such as Jessica Alba, Eva Mendes and Sheryl Crow braved the ayem smog to attend this admirable event, where tawk turned to eating, education and bodily edification.
Maury Phillips/WireImage.com

Looks like these women's beauty is more than skin deep...though their punims ain't so bad on the eyes either.

Ms. Alba, the newest Revlon spokesperson, lookin' fresh faced and fit as evah, swears it's the brand's philanthropic work (rather than that phatty paycheck) that made her want to join the Revlon fam—and I sorta believe her. Not really, but like I said, we're pretending for this par-tick item.

"I love that there are so many women out here. I'm all about female empowerment," enthused the busty brunette. "It's great that something that is so overtly about physical beauty is making a stance and making a difference for women."

Tru dat, Jess-babe, but let's hear how you keep that bod lookin' on the money for your stud-toy, Cash.

"I work out regularly. Three to four days a week. It really depends. I just did a movie where I play a violinist, and training in violin is just as important. For Fantastic Four, I wore a muscle suit," she laughed. "It wasn't that strenuous. It's a lot of CGI." Could you imagine any more boring of an answer? So much for doing naked sit-ups with the b-f, or anything. Desperate, I turned to...

Jeffrey Mayer/WireImage.com

Evalicious, whose skin and hair were lookin' so perf I almost reached out to cop a feel. E.M. also dished 'bout those delish curves of hers.

"I do very light weights and a lot of cardio. It's more important for me for health. As you can probably see, the way I look—I'm very healthy looking. I've never fallen under that skinny mold. I have a very healthy self-image. My mother gave me that."  

Yawn! What is it with these overly sensible bites from the bodacious set?

Jeffrey Mayer/WireImage.com
Sheryl C., ex to that overly worked-out bicycle operator, opted not to do press, passin' every camera crew with her killer legs and a big smile. Guess she's not ready to share 'bout that new tyke of hers, eh? Either that, or she knew I was going to ask if it was Jake or Matthew who got Lance in the split.
Ian Ziering, ponying up the plastic. Ian, along with Lance Bass and Joey Fatone, was celebrating Apolo Anton Ohno's 25th birthday Monday night at Lucky Strike. The Stride Gum-hosted shindig was going great until a mean-ass manager shut down the boys' lane midgame. "Since the party was supposed to end at 10:30, he cut off their lane without even telling anyone," fumes my pissed-off balling partyer. "Then he wouldn't turn the lanes back on until sweet little Ian offered up a personal credit card." Steve Sanders to the rescue! Unruffled elsewhere was...

Larry David, strolling through Barnes & Noble in Santa Monica. L.D., the malcontent of cable, was nonetheless whistling and singing a jazz tune, albeit all alone. The tall dude was in khakis and a black sweater and bought two books before bouncing. Much more over-the-top types included...

DMX, dirty dancing with a gal and his guy friend in front of his mama at a (nearly) private get-together. South Carolina. The eager babe in the middle of the man sandwich proclaimed, "I'm an Oreo cookie! You know what gets eaten first...the creamy white center!" DMX was apparently entertained by this seminasty notion and was cracking up. Another woman in said spot recognized the rapper and called all her friends. The scene got packed, so DMX and his mom ditched. Prettier 'n' politer in a classy Cali joint was...
Scarlett Johansson, dining alfresco with a big group. Friday night at Chateau Marmont. The low-key looker was wearing a floral-print frock and had her locks in a pony. Scar has "white-blond hair and perfect skin" and is "really beautiful," according to in-person pore witnesses. But then we already knew that much. Damn, that bitch must have some flaws.
Lisa O?Connor/ZUMAPress.com
Masi Oka, a straight version of Entourage's Rex Lee, really, was overheard at the Molly Shannon SNL after-party, held at Sapa, gabbing with producer Marci Klein about hosting the dinosaur late-night show for next season. Wonder if the Heroes dude will actually pull it off. Hope so!
Kevin Mazur/WireImage.com

Jack Nicholson, according to fashion sources as well placed as Kate Moss' cheekbones, has again become benevolent with the moolah. Remember when his designer daughter, Jennifer Nicholson, pulled out of L.A.'s Fashion Week this last time round, reportedly due to pops Jack not being exactly thrilled with Jen-hon's less than spectacularly successful line? (Jen wouldn't really comment on that one, said she'd just be back next year for the Hell-Ay shows.) Well, now Jen's all of sudden showing at the Cannes Film Festival, causing Desk Couture to cackle, "Guess who's back with Daddy's money?" That so, Jen?