We're asked a lot of questions here at The Soup, but none comes up more often than this:
"Are there any job openings?"
The answer is yes! We are currently accepting* applications for the following unpaid positions:
Better Judgment Mediator: Applicants must possess the exceptional fortitude and emotional reserve necessary to remain steadfastly against the poorly thought-out ideas of our otherwise well-meaning writing staff. (This position was created as the direct result of the thankfully never-aired “Between the Sheets with Joy Behar" sketch.)
OxyContin-Addled Threat Translator: Though we aren't at liberty to name names, a majority of The Soup's current hosts commonly have a difficult time expressing themselves in a coherent manner. Applicants should be fully versed in Excel, PowerPoint and Rage Bursts.
Fan-Mail Supervisor: Applicants will be required to read and reply to the countless letters of fawning appreciation and praise our staff receives on a daily basis.
Fan-Mail Engineer: Applicants will be required to compose and mail the countless letters of fawning appreciation and praise our staff receives on a daily basis.
The Hills Watcher: Please, would somebody else watch this for us? Please? We just can't bring ourselves to do it anymore. At least not without copious amounts of bottom-shelf gin and self-loathing.
*We are not currently accepting applications.