Heidi Montag, Spencer Pratt

Brian Ach/WireImage.com

How much do celebs get paid to host evenings at the clubs? Us normal people can't go anywhere near the VIP section, so why pay them to be there?

Actually, it's a safety measure. You really don't want to get too close to the hot, sulfurous air being blown out of Heidi & Spencer's various orifices. Might cause third-degree burns. So listen up.

Top-name celebrities charge up to $50,000 for two hours work, according to Robert Tuchman, whose TSE Sports & Entertainment company does nothing but book celebrities for hosting gigs.

By top-name, we mean Lindsay Lohan and up, not Spiedi and down. See what B- and C-listers bank, and why you're not allowed anywhere near them, after the jump.

Just today, in the Los Angeles Times, Spencer Pratt claimed that he and his blow-up doll Heidi Montag command $50,000 each for about two hours of show-up time. But Tuchman doesn't think so.

"I don't buy it," Tuchman says. "I don't think that any business person, any guy who owns a club, they're not going to put out more money than the celebrity can put back in...$25,000, tops, would be my guess."

And $25,000, by the way, is what's known as a B-list fee.

The club also assumes expenses for the celebrity and his or her entourage, plus the duty of keeping clubgoer riffraff away from the reality-show riffraff who's "hosting" the event.

You may look, but you may not touch.

For clubgoers, Tuchman says, "it's not about being close to celebrity host. It's the idea that, well, looks like this is going to be a pretty hot party."

Hot. And sulfurous. Bring your safety goggles.

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