Thrill Kill!

Oy vey, has Britney Spears gone and gotten herself into yet another dog-gone snafu? Never boring round the Brit-Brit pound, that's fer sure! Plus, Paris 'n' Nic battle out the war of wowin' 'em with too much kindness—yuck, already.

Oh dear, Brit-Brit, what have you done? Like we said Friday, was this whole J.R. Rotem baby thang just a rumor frenzy to get folks’ minds off another scandalous sitch? You know, the one about not just your kids being under questionable watch but now your doggies, too? May not even come to much, but we daresay it might. And all we can say, at this early barking point, is that some of the same folks who told us the SPCA had done an investigation of the Rebecca Romijn-Jerry O'Connell dog death we filled you all in on last week are now resniffing around Camp Spears. Unofficially, we might add. Appears Ms. B was quite unpleasant toward the team that ultimately found her Yorkie's leg bustup wasn't the wobbly lip-syncher's fault.

Madeline Bernstein, president of SPCA-LA, defended Spears after her agency investigated the dog for a fractured leg. Bernstein claimed Brit-Brit wasn't home at the time of the dog's injury, which she said was common with small canines. “It's not that unusual for people to step on their dogs by accident or trip over them. Things like this can happen,” she offered up, rather pathetically, we thought at the time, and still do.

But then, once Romijn and O'Connell put down their pooch after owning it for only one week, more was revealed. Firstly, Bernstein was one of the same folks who contacted us from the SPCA, saying Romijn and O'Connell had done nothing wrong. But Bernstein wouldn't apparently help release any medical records to back up this opinion. Nor would Bernstein help get those records back to the original rescue outfit that had adopted out the poor pup to the stars in the first place—even though the rescuers had been begging to see the vet records.

Next thing we notice, critter-cuddling Jerry O'Connell's mug pops up all over the SPCA website, very toothy, very handsome. Interesting. Not the least of which for the fact that the SPCA utilizes euthanasia. We most definitely think that's abhorrent.

But isn't it some sort of conflict of interest for any investigating arm to have a cozy help-us-out arrangement with somebody they're supposed to be looking into on the public's behalf? The SPCA-LA not only depends on celeb endorsement, it counts on millions in high-profile monies to be donated to their coffers, as well.

Also, never really would have made an additional issue of this unfortunate episode (after all, Jerry and Rebecca's dog died, for which we are truly sorry), but now we're hearing that some of those who originally investigated Ms. Spears found her to be overly “difficult” and felt she was getting whatever she wanted—so say those who claim they were directly involved in the original Spears pooch predicament.

When contacted again, Ms. Bernstein replied by resending an earlier press release that thanked Spears for her cooperation. She refused to address new accusations regarding the popped tart and purported pooch sloucher. But Bernstein did address O'Connell's possibly unkosher relationship with her organization, specifying that J.O. participated in an SPCA-LA event that was "independent of and occurred after the [the O'Connell/Romijn investigation] was closed."

So, we ask again: Just like Jerry and Rebecca's German shepherd pup, did Britney's Yorkie get a chance to have her case fully heard? And does Hollywood really have an agency looking out not just for the stars’ offspring, but for their pets, too?

Doesn’t look like it. Where’s PETA when you need 'em?

Okay, it’s official: Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton are clearly competing for sisterly (albeit sassy) sainthood. Both babes have done stints in jail—although Nic’s stay was def shorter than P-poo’s—and are trying to clean up their fairly delicious, questionable acts. And now, in their continuing quest to be all Princess Di-esque, comes word that Nic and Joel Madden have started the Richie-Madden Children’s Foundation.

Hilary Duff, is that you we hear cracking up at your computer because they referred to themselves as a “power couple” in the press release?

Anyhow, N 'n' J have even scheduled a press conference at the L.A. Free Clinic here in Hollywood today and are hosting a private baby shower for mothers in need. So, how does this latest development in Saint Nic’s life stack up against Paris’ burgeoning halo?

So far, Paris has volunteered at a hospital, planned a trip to Africa that she didn’t take and said she was getting a green, hybrid car that we have yet to see her drive. Oh yeah, and she started dating a broke, foreign model named Alex Vaggo and got him an agent.

Meanwhile, Nic got herself knocked up and looking healthy, stopped going clubbing and quit drinking and smoking. She already gets points over Paris, who’s still sparking suspicious-smelling substances and doing shots. And the fact that Richie’s gone and started her own friggin’ foundation is just icing on the charitable cake. Time to step up your do-gooding game, P!

Oh, and since Paris did tell Ellen she now wants a baby but has no one to have one with, maybe it’s time for her to pull an Angelina? Just do it, babe-hon! Or isn’t there some wayward but studly football player who would be fun in the sack and good for the go? Or maybe you could just adopt Britney Spears, who’s a damn charity case if we’ve ever seen one.