Ambien. Sleep deprivation. Jet lag. These all seem to be very valid reasons for John Stamos' unusual behavior on an Australian talk show last week. But I am here to tell you exclusively that the real reason is that John is currently battling a deep, dark emotional demon: his complete and utter despair over my pending nuptials.
Now, that may sound like some kind of crazy, egomaniacal, Bridezilla-inspired delusion, and, well, it absolutely is (I chatted with John this week and he is 100 percent fine—in all senses of the word). But that won't stop me from imagining that somewhere, in a very dark corner, Michael Vartan, Wentworth Miller, Josh Holloway, John Krasinski, Jason Dohring, Patrick Dempsey, Masi Oka, Scott Foley, Scott Speedman, Joshua Jackson and yes, Mr. John Stamos, are all rocking themselves in the fetal position, wondering how it is that I'm marrying another man.
For you who've been reading this column since the dawn of time, you know I've had an overriding ulterior motive in this ruse called TV "reporting": To find and collect hot TV men as "Future Husbands," in the hopes of someday moving to Utah and marrying them all. (The aforementioned names are the most memorable of all.)
To that end, before I head off to say my "I do's" to the man pictured in the photo below (yes, it's cheesy to post it, but many of you asked, and I'm a feelin' Gouda!) I have taped a final farewell to all of my Future Husbands, which you can see in the latest Watch with Kristin show at the top of this section. It. Is. Awesome.
Thanks to my trusty Vine show producer Kat Forcadas, the video clip at the top has the best Future Husband moments of all time, and even some new, personal messages from your favorite Heroes and Office peeps. Good times!
Meanwhile, I also need to break the news to you that today is my last official day before departing on my big "Hiatusmoon." As I've mentioned before, I'm taking some time off (about a month) to get married, travel with my hubby, shack up (see, I'm an honest girl!) and unplug (deblog) before the fun madness of fall TV begins. This past (column-to-blog and single-to-married) year has been exciting but exhausting, and I figure now is the perfect time to get some much needed R&R. But don't you fret! You will get your TV fix. For I am leaving you in extremely awesome and amazing hands.
Wondering who that could be? Well, drumroll, please...
Ladies and gentletubers, allow me to present your new masters of TV scoopology, Korbi Ghosh (whom you know and love from her Quickies in this section) and Jennifer Godwin (who—shhhhhh—may or may not be our resident expert in cult TV, Dr. Anna Graham), the two kickass chiquitas who have graciously committed to taking over the Watch with Kristin column in my absence. I hope you'll be kind and give them all the love and respect they deserve, because they'll be busting serious gluteus maximus in my absence, covering TCAs and Comic-Con and all the summer TV happenings—while also covering various duties such as making out with Future Husbands—all in an effort to keep you happy.
In the meantime, I just want to say thank you. Because of all of you, I have the best job and best readers in the world to come home to after the Hiatusmoon has ended. And that makes me a very lucky girl.
(P.S.: And a special thanks to my good friend Jason Stuempfig, who made a special cameo appearance in the only decent photo I could find of my fiancé and me—making a special hand gesture that is cropped out. I better tie him up while we take our photos at the wedding!)