Ambien. Sleep deprivation. Jet lag. These all seem to be very valid reasons for John Stamos' unusual behavior on an Australian talk show last week. But I am here to tell you exclusively that the real reason is that John is currently battling a deep, dark emotional demon: his complete and utter despair over my pending nuptials.
Now, that may sound like some kind of crazy, egomaniacal, Bridezilla-inspired delusion, and, well, it absolutely is (I chatted with John this week and he is 100 percent fine—in all senses of the word). But that won't stop me from imagining that somewhere, in a very dark corner, Michael Vartan, Wentworth Miller, Josh Holloway, John Krasinski, Jason Dohring, Patrick Dempsey, Masi Oka, Scott Foley, Scott Speedman, Joshua Jackson and yes, Mr. John Stamos, are all rocking themselves in the fetal position, wondering how it is that I'm marrying another man.
For you who've been reading this column since the dawn of time, you know I've had an overriding ulterior motive in this ruse called TV "reporting": To find and collect hot TV men as "Future Husbands," in the hopes of someday moving to Utah and marrying them all. (The aforementioned names are the most memorable of all.)
To that end, before I head off to say my "I do's" to the man pictured in the photo below (yes, it's cheesy to post it, but many of you asked, and I'm a feelin' Gouda!) I have taped a final farewell to all of my Future Husbands, which you can see in the latest Watch with Kristin show at the top of this section. It. Is. Awesome.