Carrie Underwood, who is pregnant with her second child, says in a new interview she had three miscarriages over the past two years.
The 35-year-old country star revealed in August that she and husband Mike Fisher are expecting a baby who will join big brother Isaiah, 3. In April, Underwood her single Cry Pretty, the title track of her new album, She told CBS Sunday Morning that the song "speaks to a lot of things that have happened in this past year."
"Here we go. Oh, lawdy! 2017 just wasn't how I imagined it," she said. "I'd kind of planned that 2017 was, you know, going to be the year that I work on new music, and I have a baby. We got pregnant early 2017, and didn't work out...Yeah. It happens. And that was the thing, in the beginning it was like, 'Okay, God, we know this is, just wasn't Your timing. And that is all right. We will bounce back and figure our way through it.' And got pregnant again in the spring, and it didn't work out."
"Got pregnant again, early 2018. Didn't work out," she said. "So, at that point, it was just kind of like, 'Okay, like, what's the deal? What is all of this?' And throughout the whole process, you know, I'm writing and, like, literally right after finding out that I would lose a baby, I'd have a writing session, I'd be like, 'Let's go. You know, I can't just sit around thinking about this. Like, I wanna work, I wanna do this.'"
It was difficult for Underwood to put on a happy face in public in wake of what she had been going through.
"'Cause I would literally have these horrible things going on in my life, and then have to go smile and, like, do some interviews or, like, do a photo shoot or something, you know?" she said. "So it was just kind of, like, therapeutic, I guess."
She added, "I had always been afraid to be angry. Because we are so blessed. And my son, Isaiah, is the sweetest thing. And he's the best thing in the world. And I'm like, 'If we can never have any other kids, that's okay, because he's amazing.' And I have this amazing life. Like, really, what can I complain about? I can't. I have an incredible husband, incredible friends, an incredible job, an incredible kid. Can I be mad? No...and I got mad."
Underwood said that after what she thought was another miscarriage, she prayed like never before.
"Mike was away just for the evening, and I texted him, and I was like, 'I don't really want to be alone, so I'm just gonna go snuggle with Isaiah.' And I don't know how I didn't wake him up, but I was just sobbing," Underwood said. "And I was like, 'Why on Earth do I keep getting pregnant if I can't have a kid? Like, what is this? Shut the door. Like, do something. Either shut the door or let me have a kid.'"
"And for the first time, I feel like I actually I told God how I felt," she said. "And I feel, like, we're supposed to do that. That was like a Saturday - and the Monday I went to the doctor to, like, confirm, another miscarriage. And they told me everything was great! And I was like, 'You heard me.' Not that He hasn't in the past. But maybe, I don't know, He heard me."