Spotted: a Sitch in the kitch.
So we're not doctors, but we've watched a lot of doctor-related TV shows, so we think we can say Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino was a prime example of transference on Jersey Shore Family Vacation this season. Now sober for 28 months, The Situation has admittedly turned to food to replace his previous bad habits, happily indulging in fries while his friends down shots at the club.
"I don't drink, I don't drug, I don't smoke, I don't even drive fast anymore, but food?" he said. "Give it to big daddy Sitch."
And give it to the reality star MTV did, as you can see in our comprehensive—bordering on obsessive—inventory of every morsel and finger-lick of food The Situation ate this season on Jersey Shore Family Vacation.
Episode 1: "What's In the Bag?"
When we first catch up with Mike, he is enjoying what appears to be a salad topped with chicken and cheese with his girlfriend, Lauren. This was not indicative of what would soon follow once Mike got to Miami.
Episode 2: "The Ring"
After arriving late, Mike reunited with his cast members, ordering chicken tenders and French fries while they continued drinking. A lighter day for the Sitch.
Episode 3: "Sunday Vinday"
While bonding with JWoww over his struggle with sobriety during the show's original run, Mike was eating a breakfast sandwich on a bagel.
When the cast goes to party hard in honor of Sunday Funday, Mike avoided the temptation of alcohol by eating chicken tenders, chicken wings, fries and pizza. "Pretty much all the Situation needs to enjoy himself right now is a bottle of water, a good meal…to eat my feelings."
Later, when the crew arrived home, Mike parked it in the kitchen to snack on Doritos and regular Lay's potato chips while Snooki argued with Vinny and then JWoww.
Episode 4: "Ron Ron Juice"
While at the gym for the first part of a GTL day, Mike snacked on a protein bar while walking on the treadmill.
Episode 5: "About Last Night"
While everyone is getting ready to go on a yacht for the day, Mike is fueling up with a bowl of cereal. For sustenance on the yacht, he enjoyed bruschetta and tomato and mozzarella salad.
At dinner, he had what appeared to be a salad and steak, with fries for the table on the side.
Episode 6: "Meatball Down"
After being forced to end boys' night out early after Deena crashed it and fell, the guys eat a late-night meal, which appeared to be cheesy. The next morning, he ate eggs while the cast discussed their plans for the day.
Episode 7: "Baby Mama Drama"
For Jen's welcome dinner, the gang enjoyed chicken parm, pasta and a salad. Mike broke out the desserts early, including tiramisu and "funfettis," his "favorite cake."
Episode 8: "The Temptation of the Keto Guido"
After a night of fun at the strip club, the crew broke out the late-night snacks when they returned home. Mike ate Doritos.
For breakfast the next morning, he and JWoww enjoyed egg frittatas, toast and orange juice while discussing their plan to go ring shopping.
At the end of the episode, Mike spoiled the surprise funfetti cake the cast was making for Pauly D to make up for the fact they couldn't find him a girlfriend. He was just exciteds!
Episode 9: "Umm, Hello"
Put on your stretchy pants 'cause this is a cheat episode. To kick it off, the Sitch munched on a strip of bacon while in the confessional room with the rest of the guys.
After a boys' night out, he ordered chicken tenders, fries and two burgers, because, as he explained, "My best life includes burgers and fries." Words to live by.
And while luxury car-shopping, Mike happily partook in the cheeseboard provided by the dealership, which featured "every different type of cheese" and assorted meats.
Later, when Pauly D is detailing his prank to bring Angelina to the house, an unsuspecting Mike is enjoying a sandwich while looking in the fridge.
At a meal with the boys at Pink's, Mike ordered French toast, enjoyed some sweet potato fries for the table, and possibly ordered an Oreo cheesecake.
Before Angelina arrived, Mike helped cook dinner, which included Kobe burgers, steaks, corn on the cob and salad.
Episode 10: "Meatball Training Day"
For the cast's outing to a nice sushi restaurant to kick Angelina out of the house, Mike ordered the sakura roll, the shrimp salmon roll, albacore sashimi (make that two, please!), the lamb chops and then the waiter-recommended tenderloin steak with onion and bell pepper, with jasmine rice on the side. Oh, and French fries, too. But after seeing JWoww's soft shell crab dish, he ordered one of those as well.
Episode 11: "Angelina Leaves Her Mark!"
After saying goodbye to Angelina, Mike had breakfast, which was three egg sandwiches.
On the boat in the Bahamas, Mike elected not to go in the water to enjoy a wrap and a small bag of chips. "The Situation here is currently under new management and will be open for tourists in the latter half of 2018."
Ahead of the cast's fancy dinner, Mike orders a light room service snack: "Could I have room service please? I would like shrimp cocktails. I also would like a chicken fingers and fries. A bacon cheeseburger deluxe. Is there anything that you recommend for desserts? And can I get two Cokes please?" He also snacked on a complimentary cheese plate. Yes, this is now The Situation's version of pre-gaming.
"I need to eat every couple hours. I like a breakfast, and I like a mid-morning breakfast," he explained. "I like a lunch. Mid-day lunch. And then a dinner. And then a snack. Maybe a midnight snack. I like my foods."
He also ate a full meal at dinner soon after.
Episode 12: "JWoww vs. The Proposal"
Thanks to a surprise visit from Vinny's mother, The Situation ate well in this episode. It was basically his Guido Christmas.
"We have mozzarella, cheeses, prosciutto, soppressata, peppers, garlic bread, and that's just the first course," a delighted Mike dished.
"Forget the yachts, forget the trips to the Bahamas," all he cared about was the second course, which is fettuccine. Cheese added, of course. He's not an animal. Freshly fried chicken cutlets soon followed, which were accompanied by mashed potatoes, tomato salad and lemon and onion salad.
For the grand finale? Funfetti cake. "I love funfetti cakes," he once again said. "It's my favorites."
The next morning, the girls made breakfast for Paula and Uncle Nino before they left, which included the standard bacon, sausage, eggs, bagels, and muffins.
After Mike's soon-to-be fiance Lauren arrived, the crew went to The Sugar Factory, where Mike gushed over the desserts.
Episode 13: "Future Mrs. Situation?"
At dinner with Lauren ahead of his proposal, a nervous Situation ordered the ceviche, the "lobster appetizer one," oysters, mini-burgers and lobster raviolis.
Following the huge moment, Mike and Lauren celebrated with rainbow cookies as their first meal as an engaged couple. (He also ordered cupcakes earlier in the day for the post-engagement celebration.)
The next morning, he makes some "breakfasts," including scrambled eggs, sausage and bacon. Croissants were also on hand.
The boys then go out to eat a Cuban restaurant, with Mike ordering the avocado and tomato salad, the empanada samplers and for his entree he was eyeing French fries and the beef chorizo mix.
Episode 14: "The Final Supper"
For their last family meal in the Miami house, the final supper if you will, Mike cooked dinner for his friends for as thank you for helping him to propose. His spread included chicken cutlets, sausage and peppers, garlic bread, vegetables and a salad.
And just before the roommates all left, heading back to their regular lives, Mike enjoyed one last a breakfast spread that included turkey bacon, scrambled eggs, a fruit plate and buttered toast.
Jersey Shore Family Vacation season two will premiere later this year on MTV.