Getty Images; Splash NewsOnce upon a midnight dreary, while we pondered, weak and weary...what's really going on behind the scenes in Hollywood?
That's because no matter how good a source is, no matter how deep a reporter digs, no matter how iron-clad insider access is, there are parts of Hollywood that remain unseen to everyone. There are cogs in the wheel so tiny that they can't be seen by the naked, mortal eye. There are machinations that are far more complicated than the rest of us can comprehend.
If this sounds like a conspiracy theorists analysis of the Russian influence on the United States election, that's because it kind of is. Nobody loves a good conspiracy theory more than Tinseltown, and its golden streets are lined with beautiful people wearing tinfoil hats. Including us here at E! News.
We have our limits, of course. There are plenty of celebrity stories that are clear-cut, hard and fast, easy for us to translate into the truth. But there are others that plague us. That keep us up at night. That, left unexplained, will prevent us from ever really feeling at peace.
The reason that these mysteries remain so, well, mysterious is that there are several competing arguments surrounding the "real" story. It's even more complicated than a conspiracy theory, because there are several theories. We're not so much in the business of outing whistleblowers, so what we're going to do is simply lay out these mysteries and let you, the reader, decide which explanation is most settling (or, rather, the least unsettling) to you.
What was really said in the Met Gala elevator?
Beyoncé, Jay Z and Solange step into an elevator together and the world is forever changed. The world is also thrust into a perpetual state of sleeplessness, for no matter how hard we wish, we will never get to go back in time and get on that elevator with them. We will never be privy to that intimate conversation. We will never get to decide whether we want to hold Solange back or cheer her on. Whose side are we on here?
The answer to that is: No side. Because here, as we approach the third anniversary of ElevatorGate, it is basically just as big of a mystery as it was in 2014. One thing is very clear, and that is the shock and awe of seeing America's most family get into a physical altercation on tape will never fade. But who cares about that—the people need answers, and it's answers they've tried to stir up.
Conspiracy Theory A: Rachel Roy was flirting with Jay Z at the Met Ball. The designer has long been a rumored flame of Hova's, and many Carter family followers believe that she was getting a little too friendly during the evening's earlier events, to the detriment of Solange's patience. This caused her to finally confront him as they left the party, which Jay did not entirely appreciate.
Conspiracy Theory B: Jay Z decided to go to Rihanna's Met Ball after party. There have also been rumors of elicit behavior between the two hip-hop stars, and RiRi was set to host a bash at NYC hotspot Up & Down. Theorists of this party argue that if those rumors were true, and Jay chose to hit up Rihanna's party instead of going home with the rest of his family, that would really set off Solange.
Conspiracy Theory C: This is all a long con for a Jimmy Kimmel Live! viral video. Remember when the late-night host spoofed us all with his video of the girl who set her hair on fire while twerking? Imagine if he was so blown away by the response that he decided to set up another trick...only this time it went horribly wrong. That would explain why he never had his big reveal for ElevatorGate—if this theory were true.
Who is Prince Harry's father?
Tabloids have mercy on the famous person who doesn't really look like their parents, because they are in for a lifetime of speculation. Take Khloe Kardashian, whose taller build and childhood curls cursed her into decades of Maury-style debates, complete with offers of paternity testing. But truly the most plagued (and, frankly, the most unanswered) case of 'who's my famous father' is Prince Harry. Blame it on the ginger-ness, but he doesn't really look anything like the rest of the Windsor gang.
Conspiracy Theory A: James Hewitt, Princess Diana's former fling, is his father. The Englishman was the late Diana's riding instructor for years, and they also carried on a five-year-long affair while she was married to Prince Charles. That part isn't a conspiracy, but where the tinfoil hats come into play is the belief that Hewitt is the one who conceived Harry alongside the Princess. Despite the fact that the math doesn't add up (the two met after Harry was born), the conspiracy never dies. Blame it on Hewitt and Harry's similar coloring.
Conspiracy Theory B: Prince Charles is Harry's dad. Okay, so this isn't a conspiracy theory so much as it is the acting belief. There are basically just two schools of thought: You believe the Royal family or you're a Harry truther. Your fate is yours to decide.
Was Marissa Tomei supposed to win the Oscar?
Long before MoonlightGate or whatever you want to call it, there was MarissaGate. It all started because of, frankly, shade. Tomei was a longshot for her 1993 Academy Award—she was nominated for Best Supporting Actress for her work in My Cousin Vinny—as she was a newcomer and up against Hollywood heavyweights like Vanessa Redgrave and Miranda Richardson. So when it was the young actress in the quirky comedy who got the gold statue, the rumor mill set on course.
Conspiracy Theory A: Presenter Jack Palance was either too drunk, too stoned or too tired to be able to read the name on the Best Supporting Actress winner card. Instead of asking for help or waving a white flag or doing literally anything that would be considered productive in that situation, he simply read the last name that had been written on the teleprompter, which was "Tomei." Producers were too shaken by the horribly embarrassing mix-up to do anything about it, so they just swore everyone to secrecy and continued on their merry way like nothing was wrong. Since this was before the Internet age, there's really no way to know the truth beyond the shadow of a doubt, except to know that Marissa was really good in My Cousin Vinny and it wouldn't be weird to be awarded the Oscar.
Was Brad Pitt unfaithful to Jennifer Aniston?
Yes, we're still talking about this divorce 12 years later, because we still have so many questions 12 years later. Even after the dissolution of the marriage between Pitt and Angelina Jolie, there has still been no new gossip coming to light to explain the situation. It's really the timeline that's at the heart of the mystery—clearly, Jen and Brad were happy, then they weren't, then Angie and Brad were a couple. But what was really the impetus?
Conspiracy Theory A: Jen and Brad were a couple doomed to fail, and Angelina Jolie just happened to be there when it did. The optimists among us like to think that Hollywood's Golden Marriage was completely over and that Brad found himself with a wife-sized hole in his heart that Angie just so conveniently was able to fill. He was mourning the end of a relationship and fell head-over-heels in love with what could have easily been a rebound. It's a tale as old as time, right?
Conspiracy Theory B: Brad Pitt couldn't keep his hands out of the honey pot. He was groping for trout in a peculiar river. He was yarding on. Know what we're saying? A lot of amateur analyzers are convinced that Mr. and Mrs. Smith is actually a real-life tale of infidelity, and that this whole thing is actually incredibly sordid. We'll just say that these are the same conspiracy theorists who became convinced that Pitt and Jolie broke up because of Marion Cotillard, despite her being pregnant with her husband's child.
Conspiracy Theory C: Brain chemicals forced the divorce between Brad and Jen, and thrust him into the arms of Angelina—dopamine, specifically. This is a real theory by a real doctor.
How old is Lorde?
It's a simple question, really, with an even more simple answer. Lorde came into the spotlight as a 16-year-old sensation four years ago, which makes her 20. She celebrated a farewell to her teens this past winter. She is 20, right? Or is she?
We introduce you to what might be the most perplexing mystery in Hollywood: Lorde's real age. There exists a dark underbelly of the Internet simply dedicated to arguing their different viewpoints on the matter, with a passion normally only reserved for the 2016 presidential election.
Conspiracy Theory A: Lorde is, like, 40. So says Twitter, so says Reddit, and so says a whole bunch of people who have surely watched way too much X-Files. The blog Deadspin even tested out her picture on the age-guessing website How Old, and got the responses of 30, 36 and 49, respectively. This cohort has come to their conclusion partly just because of a gut feeling, and also by way of analyzing a few odd quotes from Lorde in which she refers to her teenage years as a long-ago memory, or one particularly damning quote to Vanity Fair in which she deadpanned, "I'm 45." Chills.
Conspiracy Theory B: Lorde is, like, in her mid-twenties. These are the more reasonable conspiracy-mongers; the ones who don't unplug their microwaves and put tape over their laptop cameras, but are willing to ask the tough questions when necessary. In this case, the tough question is, Could Lorde really be 20? You are the heros we need right now.