Vanderpump Rules Cast

Tommy Garcia/Bravo

So you want to be a SUR-ver?

After Lisa Vanderpump shook the world with a single tweet, announcing that SUR, the West Hollywood restaurant at the heart of her Bravo series Vanderpump Rules was looking to hire "gregarious, experienced bar and waitstaff" who "love to work in fun filled busy atmosphere," fans of the show have no doubt begun working on their resume in the hopes of one day slinging drinks alongside the likes of Tom Sandoval and Ariana Madix.

But as five seasons of workplace drama have demonstrated, SUR is not your average restaurant. (It is Sexy Unique Restaurant, after all.) Working under the same roof as Jax Taylor requires a little something extra. Here's what Pump Rules has taught us about what it takes to work for LVP.

1. You must love dogs. Well, all animals, really. But dogs, especially. No employee of LVP's will get away with being skittish when hubby Ken Todd brings Giggy or any of the rest of Vanderpump canine crew by for a visit. Also, a willingness to devote time to stopping the Yulin dog meat atrocity is non-negotiable. (And if, like LVP, you're passionate about dogs, but just not crazy about bitches, may we suggest you apply to work at her new dog shelter, Vanderpump Dogs?)

2. You must be open to dating, at minimum, two of your co-workers. Fraternization amongst employees is not only not frowned upon, it's basically encouraged. See: Tom and Ariana, Tom and Kristen Doute, Jax and Brittany Cartwright, Jax and Stassi Schroeder, DJ James Kennedy and any hostess willing to make eye contact.

3. Piggybacking on that, you must only deal with personal matters at work. Pissed off at a co-worker over their tone in last night's drunken text spree? Be willing to do what Scheana Shay would and confront them at the start of a shift while passive-aggressively folding napkins in their face.

4. You must have a healthy aversion to wearing underwear, health code be damned. As Lala Kent famously proved, the only way to rock a SUR LPD is sans panties. Nobody likes a visible panty line!

5. You must always keep Los Angeles Gay Pride weekend open. You will be on the float. You will be drunk. You will pour shots directly into strangers' mouths.

6. You mustn't have fear over using the stockroom as your own personal pantry. Jax's entire kitchen has basically been furnished by SUR, and everyone knows it's not a party unless you're serving pilfered LVP Rosé.

7. Need time off? No problem. There is apparently never any issue with upwards of seven employees taking the same entire weekend off at once for birthdays in Cabo or joint bachelor/bachelorette trips to New Orleans.

8. You must enjoy the musical stylings of DJ James Kennedy. You must also somehow enjoy DJ James Kennedy.

9. You must have no fear going to LVP with any piece of trouble in your personal life. Lisa Vanderpump is no mere boss. She should be your therapist, your life coach, your guru. SUR is the temple, and LVP is the religion, darling.

Do you have what it takes to work at SUR? Let us know in the comments below.

Vanderpump Rules airs Mondays at 9 p.m. on Bravo.

(E! and Bravo are both part of the NBCUniversal family.)

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