ABCIt's been an exciting week for Full House fans and people who just can't let go of the '90s (read: all '90s lovers) because Netflix announced that it is producing a revival of the beloved sitcom called Fuller House.
Besides having the most depressing premise ever (DJ loses her mom as a young girl, grows up and then loses her husband?! DAMN), Fuller House is supposed to reunite the entire cast for at least one episode, however, some cast members have come forward to insist they were never asked. Most notably, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, who of course played the youngest Tanner child, Michelle.
"I guess we're going to talk to the creators and see what's happening," Mary-Kate told Women's Wear Daily on Tuesday when asked if they would be reprising their role on Fuller House.
"I'm going to call [Bob Saget] and get his perspective," Ashley added.
Though we sincerely hope they come back for at least a quick cameo, our gut tells us it's a long shot that these two will ever play Michelle again, even for only one episode, so we decided to come up with some storylines that the writers could use to explain why the beloved younger sister isn't around anymore:
1. She fell off her horse again but never got her memory back, so they shipped her off to Ohio to become a nun
2. Michelle went on tour with the Girl Talk revival band
3. Her father, Danny Tanner, disowned her after she appeared on an episode of Hoarders. He raised her to be a clean freak, and she broke his heart by collecting thousands of old milk jugs for no reason
4. She perished in the hot air balloon disaster that also killed DJ's husband
5. She moved to Greece to live with her extended family and became an Internet celebrity through her YouTube channel that chronicles her international travels
6. She pulled a Sweet Home Alabama and changed her name and backstory to get into the fashion industry
7. Michelle's evil twin kidnapped her and took her to live with another family in New Zealand
8. She started a Mystery Agency with her doppelganger
9. She went to Texas to find her true love, Teddy
10. She went to Nebraska to find her first love, Howie Anderson
11. She ran away with nemesis-turned-lover, Aaron Bailey
12. After falling in love with and marrying her childhood pal Denise Frazer, they moved to Los Angeles to star on a reality show about two mom's raising three girls who all want to become child actors
13. Having gotten so fed up with Kimmy Gibbler over the years, Michelle put out a hit on her. Nicky and Alex Katsopolis became cops and had to be the ones to arrest her on attempted murder charges. Her arrest and jail sentence tore the family apart, so they just pretend like she never existed
14. Started a lemonade stand that turned into a worldwide lemonade empire with her brunette "cousin" from Greece. They're both too busy running that business to be bothered with The Fullers.
15. She was such a boss being an honorary Disney princess during the Disney World episode that she now runs the princess training academy at Disney resorts
16. Michelle, now a successful author, is on a book tour around the world for You Got It, Dude: Getting What You Really Want Out of Life. It's a follow-up to Cut. It. Out: Removing the Toxic Elements From Your Life Once and for All
17. She is still trying to make it in New York City as a playwright while living with her Broadway dancer bestie Derek
18. Michelle fell into the wrong crowd and grew up to run San Francisco's underground fight club. A fight gone wrong somehow led to the death of DJ's husband, and the family was never able to forgive her
Do you guys have any other ideas to explain away Michelle's absence?