Lindsay Lohan, Elizabeth Taylor

WireImage, Hulton Archive/Getty Images

Dear Ted:
I love you, but am still not feeling Lindsay Lohan as Elizabeth Taylor. I watched Cat on a Hot Tin Roof last night, and Liz was amazing. Do you really think Lindsay can pull off portraying one of the most beautiful women ever?

Dear Drama Queen:
Look, D, in my humble opinion, the gal is absolutely capable of taking on the iconic role—it's more of a question of her willingness to develop better working habits. Her latest antics on the Glee set were a bit unsettling, and that was only for a guest spot. We're still backing the babe (and so is producer Larry Thompson), but we really hope LiLo takes the role as seriously as she says. And if not? At least Mr. Thompson has a hefty insurance claim backing his casting decision.

Dear Ted:
I called the number for Rob Pattinson's agent, as given on his page and found out no mail goes to him including gifts and cards unless he has specifically requested certain mail things. And I feel so horrible, as I personally sent Kristen Stewart a birthday gift, which was insured and someone had to sign for it, and never heard from her. It makes me sick to think of all the money and time their fans have taken to contact them. Everyone should know that perhaps they aren't all caring people. It makes me sick to think of the hours I spent making this gift. Everyone should know. I hate phonies...

Dear Get Over It:
Dearest J, it sounds like you may need a lesson in Hollyweird. Do you realize the overwhelming amount of fan fodder these two receive on a daily basis? Rob and Kris have millions, literally millions, of eager fans. I'm sure they would love to dedicate more time to their admirers, but filming multiple movies and traveling across the country somehow got in the way. Now, stop accusing the twosome of being inconsiderate just because your gift didn't make it to Kristen's doorstep. Whether you like it or not, you're not the only fan.

Dear Ted:
I'm getting really bored with all your love for Lindsay Lohan. Sure, she and Elizabeth Taylor have a few things in common, but Taylor had something that Lohan will never have...class. Please move on and talk about something interesting.

Dear Comeback Queen:
OK, we get it—many of you are not happy that LiLo's playing the Hollywood legend. Let's just agree to disagree until June 4 when filming begins. If we still got it wrong, then you can let the bashing begin, OK?

Dear Ted:
If Britney Spears is so incapable of making her own decisions that her father and fiancé are sharing custodial and management duties, why in God's name is she getting married for the third time? What a hellhole Hollywood is!

Dear Back on Track:
I couldn't disagree more, S. Brit's doing better than ever before—she's about to sign on as judge for the X Factor and her relaysh with Jason is going spectacular. Shame on you for dissing the babe when she's doing so well! Conservatorships are complicated—just because Ms. Spears has one in place does not mean that she shouldn't take another walk down the aisle.

Dear Ted:
I'm very concerned! Where was James Brolin for Barbra Streisand's 70th birthday?! There are no pictures of him and no mention of him anywhere. Barbra was my middle-aged love idol; because she met James in her mid-50s and they seemed so much in love. Tell me I'm mistaken!
Miss P

Dear True Love:
Today's your lucky day, because you are indeed mistaken. The exemplary couple is still is as happily married as ever. It was even a family affair with his son Josh Brolin and daughter-in-law Diane Lane in attendance. So sweet!

Dear Ted:
Is Coco Crack-Head Sarah Hyland? Am I close? Coco has me stumped!

Dear Modern Vice:
Sorry K, looks like Coco still has you stumped! But I will say you are right in guessing a gal on the boob tube.

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