Katy Perry, Tim Tebow, Taylor Swift

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Dear Ted:
With all this talk of Tim Tebow being considered for The Bachelor and his outing with Katy Perry and Taylor Swift, it has me wondering about his image. Wouldn't these rumors suggest Tebow has...wait for it...sex? Everything until this point has said he is still a virgin, so is this true and his Christian roots have him still holding onto his V card or what?
—Kara Ann

Dear Hail Mary:
I can follow your train of thought with K.P. (since the naughty pop star did croon that she wanted to see Timmy's peacock), but that relaysh was totally fueled by the tabloids and Katy's preachy parents. Now, Sebow is a different story...and I hardly think Tebow is risking his halo and wings with Tay. Don't worry about his sexual status, Kara.

Dear Ted:
I think there are 4 types of closet actors in Hollywood: The one who will come out when he feels like it, the one who comes out when his career is over/established, the one who will take it to his grave and the one who will get outed by others. Could you add 4 B.V. names to those categories for me?

Dear Fab Fouresome:
Respectively: Toothy Tile (hopefully...he's wanted to in the past but was always talked out of it). Crotch Uh-Lastic. Topher Hairy-Tuchus. And Parrish Maguire. Has your Vicey thirst been quenched, B?

Dear Ted:
So allegedly, Jason Segel and Michelle Williams hooked up at the Chateau Marmont. Are they really a couple?

Dear Isn't Love Funny:
I'll say this much: These two aren't ready for a couple nickname yet, but I totally approve of this par-tick pairing! The darling actress needs a funny man. Plus, with everything she's endured in the past, his Vice is so mild that it hardly matters.

Dear Ted:
How is Strawberry Snort'Em doing? Is it just me or is she looking a little slimmer than usual?

Dear Skin and Bones:
Snorty is doing just fine, thank you very much...well at least when it comes to her waistline (it looks the same as always). Her no good ways on the other hand? Well, that's a different story. A much sadder one.

Dear Ted:
Wow. The threshold for Lindsay Lohan is now set so low that we measure her success based on whether or not she shows up and isn't wasted. Not if she's funny or if she even knew her lines ahead of time. And how is it that no one's factoring into account the fact that her face looks completely different? How could she possibly have a comeback?

Dear Return of The Plastics:
I know I've been (shockingly!!!) Team LiLo lately, but it's only because she has so many people rooting against her that why not give the gal props for cleaning up her act a bit? I'm holding out hope that she'll pull off the Elizabeth Taylor flick. Geez, who would have ever thought I would be the positive one and leave the cynical stuff up to you readers?

Dear Ted:
Thoughts on Kirk Cameron's rebuttal?

Dear Well:
At least he's sticking to his (offensive, bigoted, homophobic) guns and not trying to B.S. us with PR-savvy apology?

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