Obama's Big Bang, McCain's Other Woman

An utter madhouse in Denver, said our Desk DNC about last night's Lincoln-likening Obamania. The vibe on the scene was, ya might guess, overjoyed delirium, every soul in the stadium thinking B.O.'s speech was the perfect mix of hardass edge on McCain, all the while keepin' his cool and charisma. Our Dem eyes—with an inspired tear in 'em, surely–sat right behind loud-spoken left-winger Susan Sarandon, natch, and the almost too liberal Matthew McConaughey. (Well, his mom certainly is with her reports of her late husband's orgasm-induced death, that's fer sure. Hell, we need more moms like that in the U.S. of Boring A!)

We're shocked M2 didn't show up to Invesco Field with a brewski and burger, thinking he was about to see a football game. Nice to see celebs mingling with the normal folk when they're forced to. Of course, it's all such an act, no wonder H'wood endorsements usually kill a politico's climb, but we'll ignore that nasty little factoid, for the moment.

And then this morning, 'course, McCain stole Barack's thunder by dropping his own type of change—picking a female for veep, Alaskan Gov. Sarah Palin. Smart move there, Johnny. Sure, ya picked a woman as conservative as they come, but all the Americans who want a woman in the White House who isn't first lady will think twice about voting blue now. And S.P.'s a beauty queen, no less. (OK, sure, a runner-up for Miss Alaska in '84, but how many beauty pageants has Hillary ever competed in?)

Senator J.M. sure has an obvious type, huh? Just about every lady around him is prim' 'n' proper and oh-so camera ready. We're just miffed that Tina Fey is no longer on Saturday Night Live, 'cause damn if both brunet and glasses-wearin' gals don't look identical to one another. Such the sorely missed opportunity there.

—Additional reporting by English-screwin' Becky Bain