Brad Pitt

Fame Pictures

Dear Ted:
When can we call Brad Pitt a homewrecker? Why are the males usually always portrayed as a victim of some evil, plotting female, instead of being held accountable (and called names) for their own actions? Please call them skanks all the time—like you do to females.

Dear Wrecking Ball:
I may have been a bit harsher on Angelina Jolie because of her ice queen ‘tude, but I've always said Brad is just as much of a skank when it came to wrecking his relaysh with Jennifer Aniston. You're right though: Men like Pitt do have it easier. And Chelsea Handler's C-bomb "incident" got me thinking that—as much as I'm not trying to create a new slur—every other group based on gender, sexual orientation, race, etc. can be offended with a single word. And what's the worst we can call Brad? A dickwad?

Dear Ted:
Common sense tells me this won't happen for at least 10 years, but if you were to reveal Robert Pattinson's and Kristen Stewart's B.V.s, on a scale of 1 to 10, how bad would the Twi-hards freak out?

Dear Viced Out:
Twenty? 50? 100? It would break the scale, that's for sure.

Dear Ted:
Can't wait to see Black Swan. It looks beautifully made. Could you please tell us if it is any good? I mean Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman together are a match made in heaven, but add to that the deliciously dirty Vincent Cassel, well, as you say in A.T. lingo: Too delish. But tell us, Ted, more deliciously, is Winona Ryder, who is also in the movie, finally getting her comeback? Some of us fans remember Wino Forever and yearn for the good ol' passionate days with Johnny Depp. Has Winona ever been a B.V.? So would like to know about that one! Kisses from Montreal!

Dear Swan Song:
Hate to say it, but Team Truth has been so caught up with other flicks that we haven't been able to see Black Swan yet—and it's the movie we've been looking forward to the most! That said, we've heard nothing but how absolutely amazing the movie is. Like, literally zero negative comments. Must admit: Winona is one of the main reasons I'm so excited for this one. Who knows, she might even steal the show. (Lame joke, I know. So slug me.)

Dear Ted:
Should we be jumping to double D-cup assumptions when trying to figure out who Veronica Bee-Stings is? Or are they smaller than DDs?

Dear Cups Runneth Over:
V's boobies aren't Coco-sized, if you catch my drift. It's one of the best boob jobs in the biz, if you ask me.

Dear Ted:
Mariah Carey is pregnant with her first child at the age of 40. After having some issues, she's working harder than she was preconception. What gives? Is she afraid to be out of the limelight? I just don't get why she doesn't sit down and relax a little. And no, I don't think pregnancy is a disease or that women "have to" take it easy, but it seems like she's working double-time.

Dear Don't Judge:
It's a tough biz. Clearly, Mariah's striving to keep herself relevant among all the other younger babes hitting the scene.

Dear Ted:
You said in a recent Bitch-Back that Jackie Bouffant and his beard are very close, and it got me thinking: Is she strictly just a beard, or have they been physically intimate behind closed doors?

Dear Jackied Off:
Sure, they've dabbled from time to time. Haven't you heard, Jackie just loves getting it on with all sorts of über-skanky ladies now. Barf.

Dear Ted:
I heard recently that Sofia Vergara is known to be a diva and extremely difficult to work with on the set. Is there any truth to this? Also, does she or any other Modern Family castmember have a Blind Vice?

Dear Family Matters:
Sure, she's got diva ‘tude for days, but she doesn't exactly keep it a secret. And it also doesn't affect her professionalism (at least not too bad). The real D-bag on that set is Ed O'Neill, who can't stop blabbing about his butt-hurt Emmys.

Dear Ted:
Are Secretia Ohio and Fernando Tinkle-Treat friends? Have they ever hooked up?

Dear Sexual Deviants:
Not really. Sure they share a penchant for sex play outside the norm (plus a couple of other things) but they run in different circles. They definitely have not hooked up before. That I guarantee you.

Dear Ted:
Brock Rock-Buns
sounds yummy! Just wondering the story behind his "No. 1 gal-pal." Has she been on the top of a list recently? A pop music chart? A magazine's ranking of women in some capacity? Or is she merely "No. 1" in Brock's life? You are my No. 1 gossip maven.

Dear Status Check:
Numero uno in Brock's life...well, usually.

Dear Ted:
I feel like something is off with Christina Aguilera. She looks bloated, her album tanked, the new guy seems sketchy and her performance in Burlesque didn't exactly garner glowing reviews. Is something going on?

Dear Dirrty Business:
There's plenty off with Xtina these days, professionally and personally. And the latter is causing the...uh, lackluster appearances. Anybody else seeing an albino Snooki, poof and all?

Dear Ted:
Is Jake Gyllenhaal's Vice in the past or is it very much in the present?

Dear Sands of Time:
C'mon, doll. Do you really think Vice Superstars like Jakey-poo every really give up their naughty ways?

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