Christina Aguilera

Courtesy of SPE, Inc./Eric Charbonneau

Dear Ted:
I get that people shouldn't stick around in unhealthy and unhappy marriages. However, something about Christina Aguilera's divorce just doesn't seem right to me, especially because she seemed to move on rather quickly. Does their divorce have anything to do with her new relationship or am I making unnecessary assumptions?

Dear Genie Bottle Blues:
Listen, there was plenty of drama in that relaysh, but this new random isn't to blame for the couple's split. The way Xtina has handled herself post-hubby rubs me the wrong way too—it just seems so tacky. Don't know why I expected otherwise though, to be quite honest. Poor hubby, too. Nobody cares enough to get his side of the story.

Dear Ted:
Is Lucretia Johnson Jennifer Love Hewitt? She seems to fit all of the criteria: the hair, the messy past relationships, the late '90s-early 2000s popularity. If not, has she ever been a Blind Vice before?

Dear Bottoms Up:
Great guess, J! Probably the best one I've got yet, actually. But hate to tell you that—as unlucky in love as poor JLH has been—she's not this bloated BV babe. Lucretia, while pitiable herself, is still more relevant these days than Jen.

Dear Ted:
I would love to read at least one blog in defense of Lea Michele. I wonder if jealousy made the other girls be mean to her, and if that's the reason Lea just hangs out with her close friends like Jonathon Groff (hotty) and Corey. I'm missing her having the spotlight this season. I like shows where there is a lead character that is flawed but that you root for. And Lea's voice is the only one that just pierces you right through the heart. (And from what I've read, she and Mercedes are also the only female voices that sound that good live.) So why should the other girls get equal spotlight if their voices are made better by modern technology? Why does Lea have to be made out to be a villain? I hate being robbed of her performances.

Dear Solo-itus:
Must fess: While I still love the tunes, I've been feeling very over Glee lately. That said, you could not pay me to stop watching because it's kills me how much art imitates life with this gig. I admit I miss Lea's show-stopping solos though, ya know, ever since it's became The Kurt Show.

Dear Ted:
Were you implying that Fernando Tinkle-Treat is bisexual? You said "whomever he is bedding" not "the ladies he is bedding" or "the men he is bedding". PS: Is it Enrique Iglesias?

Dear Potty Mouth:
Well aren't you just an open-minded reader, B. You'll love our Vice coming Monday, trust. Plenty of bisexual deliciousness. And nope to Enrique (Anna Kournikova must be so relieved!). Nice try, though.

Dear Ted:
Glee's Mark Salling and Lea Michele just sizzle onscreen with chemistry! Have those two ever had a fling? Their make outs are too hot not to come from off-screen practice! I have a cute rescued pup Jazzy who thinks those two have definitely done the naughty! Mucho love! Xoxo.
—Puckleberry Shipper

Dear Puke-leberry:
Well tell Jazzy he's living in fantasyland, cause Mark and Lea are strictly biz. Both have clocked plenty of spit-swapping practice though, Mark is quite the hot stud around H'wood and Lea and her BF never miss an award show moment to tongue each other down.

Dear Ted:
My greyhound Murph and I were wondering if Ryan Phillippe and Amanda Seyfried are still a couple? I haven't heard anything new since those pictures of them at a Halloween party and her hiding herself in his car surfaced. Also, was Amanda one of the Vicers on the Red Riding Hood set in Vancouver, earlier this year? If so, was she a big Vicer or a little Vicer?
—Murph and Liz

Dear Wrong Hood:
I know all about the post-costume-party cuddle sesh or whatever it was, but it doesn't seem to be a long-term thing. Celebs can have random hook ups too, can't they? Either way, it's about time A. got into the sexier Vices. Hers just seems so boring in comparison.

Dear Ted:
What do you think of the Real Housewives? Do any of them have BV's?

Dear From Ho to Housewife:
Hate to admit it, but I'm addicted! What makes all those women so friggin' interesting, no matter which city they're raising hell in, is beyond me but for some reason I just can't get enough. Must be all that incessant bitchin' and nip tuckin' they're up to!

Dear Ted:
I have heard a few times that Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki are not friends anymore, have you heard anything about this? I don't think it's true, because their interactions with each other contradict it completely, but I'm asking anyway because it seems like a hurtful thing to make up about 2 people that have so obviously cared about each other for a long time. Also, one other question, do they know about each other's BVs?

Dear They're Back!:
Ah, Jackles...the Robsten of the bromance world. But—like Rob and Kris—this is just another stupid "split" rumor. Both dudes are happy with the respective ladies (one more than the other, though) and are still as tight as ever. Like, definitely know each others Vices tight.

Dear Ted:
I was re-watching Couples Retreat and was wondering about Malin Akerman. Has she ever been a star or supporting player in any of your Blind Vices? Thanks and smooches to your pooches.

Dear Red Hot Alert:
No Vices yet for this babe, but she seems to want one bad. Why else would she be snatching up Lindsay Lohan's sloppy seconds?

Dear Ted:
Do you think Priscilla Desert would ever marry a famous beard to further her already red-hot career and carry on a steamy relationship with an average joe in private? Or would she be too ethical to do that?

Dear Desert Storm:
Ethical? Don't really think that's a problem with Ms. P, no matter how tightly she clings to that V-card. That said, while she may be dating every gay dude in sight these days, I don't see her tying the knot with any of them.

Dear Ted:
Has Nevis Divine ever had a sexual encounter with either Judas Jack-Off or Dashed Dingle-Dream? How about any other male BV stars?

Dear Nevy's Little Black Book:
No. No. Yes.

Dear Ted:
My friends and I think we have solved the mystery of Altar-Ego it Paul Wesley from The Vampire Diaries? Thanks.
—Georgia Girl

Dear Case Closeted:
Interesting guess, but Altar-Ego is far more edgy than Paul could even dream of being (Vice and all). And AES and his lady's relaysh is actually headline worthy, ya know.

Dear Ted:
You are a multi-talentless bottom feeding media old bag. Retire now.

Dear Hmm:
But then darling readers like yourself wouldn't be able to spew yourselves into frothing tizzies, so, nope.

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