Congratulations to you, yes you, the one million and first Condensed Soup viewer. Really.

We've already got a million pairs of eyeballs, as Joel McHale proudly reveals. We'd love to reward you with something special—a free car wash or a Q-Tip in the shape of Justin Bieber's head, oh that's right, they come that way—but we're on an E! budget.

Instead, we offer you the booby prize of Heidi Pratt enriching her Hills BFF's lives with information on the witchy power of crystals. Can shrunken heads and druid robes be far behind?

Tune in tonight for a hot batch of Soup at 10 p.m. ET/PT!

Follow @thesoup on Twitter.

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No need to deprive yourself until tonight—there's plenty to graze on in the video gallery right now!

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