In case the boss actually demanded that you get something done this week—thus preventing you from zoning out on the Soup blog—here's the five best of what you missed:

1. LL Cool J: Rapper. Actor. Social networking web entrepeneur. What can't this guy do? If you guessed curls using The View's Elisabeth Hasselbeck as a dumbell, you're quite wrong. Hey, it beats lifting Whoopi. But that's just the start of it...

2. If your daddy is known for biting the head off a dove, sucking down copious amounts of booze and stumbling around like an addled gnome—yes, your daddy is Ozzy—it's a lot for you to live up to. But being Don Trump, Jr. is apparently even harder.

3. 60 Minutes' ancient crank Andy Rooney considers himself just plain folks like you and me. Provided we're so out of touch with pop music that we're outraged over being out of touch with pop music. Lady Gaga?! What the hell happened to Glenn Miller anyway, fer cryin' out loud?

4. Trying to outwit men the size of refrigerators is one thing for footballer Chad Ochocinco, but trying to dodge the blows of brutal personality deconstruction from DWTS instructor Cheryl Burke is something altogether different. Gosh, Jake Pavelka would have been such a gentler partner?

5. There may be something incredibly wrong with cousins mating, but not with having them on your afternoon chat show. Once again, Tyra trots out the the freaks for your shock and amusement, in this case two people who apparently couldn't find anyone on the planet to procreate with who they weren't related to.

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