• The guido brain trust awash on the Jersey Shore have discovered a new medical oddity: a "fat girl's ass" causes pinkeye!

• If you want to work for Diddy, don't be looking at him like that. Yeah. Like that. Now why you doin' that?

• Why isn't there a show about women with missing appendages trying to become models? Oh, there is.

• Why isn't there a show about Steven Seagal being an actual deputy on a police force in Louisiana? Oh, there is.

• What's better than RuPaul's Drag Race? The RuPaul's Drag Race reunion special. Try not to get aroused, people.

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Want more Shore? Check out Marc Malkin's exclusive Q&A with Jersey boy Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino

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