Chelsea Handler Blog: Urban Cooking

Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman's marriage isn't based on dinnertime

According to Star magazine, Keith Urban is not a fan of his wife's, Nicole Kidman, cooking. Nicole reportedly cooks with no sugar, salt, butter, oil or fun. I am all for staying in shape, but this sounds like a big country bummer. 

I can't imagine what she cooks with instead of any of those items, but I assume it tastes like cardboard. No wonder she never has any expression on her face. She's f--king depressed from eating raw broccolini all day. 

Obviously it's a lie that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, or these two never would have gotten together. This finally explains why Tom Cruise was jumping on couches when he met Katie Holmes. He was probably on an insane sugar buzz from years of being deprived of the substance. Sugar probably had the same affect on him that it does on a 5-year-old...especially since they have the same size body.