Celeb Questions Too Silly to Answer in 2009!

Why are you jealous of Miley? Is so-and-so gay? Are Ashley and Kellen friends? And other Q's I won't be answering this year

Is there any question you won't answer?
—Almra, Sacramento, via the Answer B!tch inbox

There were many celeb questions this year I didn't answer, on account of my being totally all-powerful and doing exactly as I please (Behold, my more than 19,000 minions on Twitter!). Plus, I just can't get all worked up about whether George Clooney was a prankster on the set. This is my own failing. Bad entertainment journalist. Bad.

So, here you go, my own personal list of the most tiresome—and very real—questions of 2009, with the names of the writers removed to preserve their own delicate self-esteem.

Do they match your own most annoying Q's of the year? Let's find out...

I get the feeling Ashley Greene didn't get alone with anyone else in the Twi cast except for maybe Kellan Lutz. Can you do some snooping?
Sure, OK. Here: They didn't get along. Or maybe they did get along. Either way, it's fascinating, isn't it?

Why are you hating on New Moon?
Right, right. I write a negative review of New Moon, I must hate it with my every living mitochondrial cell. I must think about its suckiness and my hatred of said suckiness 24 hours a day. Drat! I just lost my resolve for a second answering an email! Must...not...lose...angry...resolve!

Is Tom Cruise gay? Is Lady Gaga a gay man? Is Lady Gaga a straight lesbian? Is David Hornsby gay? Is Lady Gaga a lady?
Some answers just aren't conducive to a lawsuit-free lifestyle.

What about the summer guilty pleasure show NYC Prep on Bravo that everyone was talking about? Will it be back? It was better than The Real Housewives!
Dear Publicist for NYC Prep: I'm sure it was.

Is Miley Cyrus pregnant or not?
She sure is—pregnant with plucky talent!

So, now that Jon & Kate Plus 8 has ended, are we finally done having to watch the trainwreck? Or is there going to be a reconciliation or some new drama so they can keep milking their cash cow? I'll be happy when they're back to obscurity.
Yep, and you know how to send them there? Keep on asking me to write about them.

Did Miley Cyrus get in a car accident today???????????????????????????
HOLD ON I am SO TOTALLY checking on that right now I KNOW RIGHT!?!?!?!?

How many days were Charlie Chaplin and Hitler born apart? Who directed the movies The Godless Girl and The Freshmen?
Ooh! Is this a quiz? Is the microwave oven still in play or did the lady from Hoboken win it already?

You have thing about Miley Cyrus/Sarah Palin/Robsten/Twilight, why is that? I think the reason is that you're jealous.
You're so, so right. Why can't I be stuck in a tour bus right now, rehearsing "Party in the USA" for the 4,000th time while dreaming of my next wolf hunt from a helicopter? I'm so sad.

Dear Chelsea: Hi Chelsea! I'm a huge fan! Anyway, I was wondering...
Did I mention I was sad?