Guidette Snooki has it rough. No matter how hard she tries, it seems her love life is washed up at the Jersey Shore.

All she wants is a dark, muscular boozehound who is both Italian and a guido to take home and have sex with, but the competition for such qualified salami is apparently fierce.

That, and the surprising fact that even the most inebriated guido won't jump on a woman who looks like a well-done rump roast in a baggy mini. 

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To get the Jersey boys' side of the story, click here.

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