Motherhood for Jade Roper hasn't always felt like paradise.
While many may follow the Bachelor Nation star for her adventures with husband Tanner Tolbert and their three children, the Mommies Tell All podcast host is now ready to share her experience dealing with postpartum PTSD.
In a new interview with TODAY Parents, Jade recalled the moments she welcomed son Brooks in her bedroom closet and the emotions that soon followed.
"I felt like he didn't want me, which was the hardest part," she shared. "I felt like I would look at him and I felt so disconnected and he didn't know I was his mom or he didn't want me as his mom." The Bachelor alum says the unexpected home birth in July 2019 and her overall experience resulted in postpartum PTSD.
"From the second I went into labor until pretty much until I got pregnant with my (second) son Reed, I was dealing with post-traumatic stress disorder," Jade explained. "When I was giving birth, I had such a precipitous labor I thought something wrong was happening. I thought that he was going to die. I thought I was going to die. And so after that experience, I would have flashbacks. That we were...not safe."
The 34-year-old reality star said she also experienced bouts of dizziness and "intrusive thoughts that weren't healthy."
"I kept telling myself, 'I'm just going to get through it. Just one more week and I'll be better.' I was also afraid of going (to a doctor) and that somebody was going to just dismiss it," Jade explained. "I was really afraid no one was going to validate my feelings. And that maybe I was just making a big deal out of something, that maybe I was just being weak."
According to Jade, she "finally had a breakdown" with her husband and shared how she was feeling. After seeking treatment through hypnotherapy, Jade discovered she was pregnant with her third child and the subsequent hormonal changes helped her mood.
As for why she is sharing her story, the California resident explained that she wants other moms to know they are not alone. In addition, Jade believes more care needs to be given to women after each and every pregnancy journey.
"People talk so much about pregnancy and taking care of your health when you're pregnant, and then you have a baby and nobody checks in on the mom," she said. "There are all these things going on—we're navigating how to take care of a newborn and meeting their needs, but there's also this transformation. We're this new person, we have a whole new identity. That's a big deal."